How to Meditate with Ease

21 tips for a more relaxed yet alert mindfulness meditation

Photo by Mitchell Griest on Unsplash

Learning to meditate can feel like a battle, with one part of your mind pitted against the other. Every time your mind wanders, you feel like a loser. The sheer volume of thoughts you encounter can make meditation seem more stress-inducing than stress-relieving.

I understand!

I’ve meditated for several decades. I’ve also taught meditation to hundreds of people and watched them progress over a year.

I'll share my best meditation tips with you.

My insider tips will help you start a practice of mindfulness meditation and show you how to skirt the roadblocks you might encounter a few months in. If you already have the basics down, they can help you transition from one level of meditation to the next.

A Tiny History Lesson on Mindfulness

Mindfulness meditation originated with the Buddha and is known as “shamatha” in Sanskrit and “shiné” in Tibetan. Those words are often translated as “calm abiding” or “peacefully remaining.”

Sounds nice, doesn’t it?

Similar techniques are taught in secular settings today, such as the Center for Mindfulness at the University of Massachusetts Memorial Health and the UCLA Mindfulness Awareness Research Center.

Over twenty years of research have shown mindfulness meditation's many benefits, including less stress, anxiety, and depression and enhanced attention, productivity, and resilience.

Ready? Let’s get started.

My Best Tips on Mindfulness Meditation

Many different forms of meditation exist. The tips I share below apply only to mindfulness meditation.

I learned mindfulness meditation from years of study with a Tibetan Buddhist meditation master. I’ve also studied Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR).

As you read through my tips, remember meditation is simple but not necessarily easy.

Why? Because you’ve been conditioned your entire life to think, feel, and react in specific ways. So when you begin to learn meditation, your habitual patterns will happily join you and try to interfere with the process.

It’s easy to get frustrated and drop mindfulness meditation before you experience its benefits. But if you know what to expect, you can learn to ride the waves more easily.

Don’t try to implement every tip at once. Start with just a few. When you have them under your belt, come back for more.

You can also browse my suggestions to find ones that will help you overcome any stumbling blocks you’ve encountered in meditation.

1. Relax

Many people contract when they’re learning something new and different. You might find there are so many details to remember about how to meditate that you tense up.

However, relaxation is the foundation of meditation. In mindfulness meditation, you want to achieve a delicate balance of alertness and relaxation. If you’re too tight, you can’t experience a spacious state of mind, essential in meditation. If you’re too loose, you’ll space out or fall asleep.

When you find yourself tensing up in meditation, take a moment to relax consciously. Bring your mind home to your body, take a few breaths, and let your muscles soften. Do this as often as needed, and you’ll be more relaxed as you practice.

Tension can also come from trying too hard. It might not be easy at first, but whenever you catch yourself trying too hard, use it as a reminder to relax. That itself will strengthen your mindfulness.

2. The mind and body are interconnected

Posture matters, but don’t get uptight about it.

Sit comfortably on a cushion, chair, couch, or bed. You can cross your legs sitting on a cushion or place your feet flat on the floor if seated in a chair.

Your back should be straight but not rigid. Allow for its natural curve. When the back is straight, the inner air or energy (“prana”) will flow more easily through the body's subtle channels, helping your mind relax.

This is the most critical point of the posture: Straight but not rigid.

Place your palms on your knees or one on top of the other, facing upwards, on your lap.

I learned to meditate with my eyes open, which is common in many Buddhist traditions. Keeping your eyes open can help to calm your mind because of how the subtle channels are constructed.

Either look downward, along the tip of your nose, at an angle of about 45 degrees, or place your gaze softly in the space directly in front of you.

If you find it challenging to keep your eyes open, try it for a few moments at a time until you get used to it.

Breathe naturally. Don’t force your breath in any way.

More could be said about posture, but this will get you started.

3. Give the mind something to do

In the first stage of mindfulness meditation, we gently place our attention on an object. The mind likes to be busy, so this gives it something to do. By using an object, you gradually gain the ability to direct your mind instead of having it constantly control you.

People often begin with an awareness of the breath as an object. Alternatively, you could use a physical form like a rock, a flower, or a sacred image. Or you could use one of the senses by focusing on sound, bodily sensations, or taste.

These are all excellent options for beginners. Later on, once you have stability in mindfulness meditation, you can use thoughts and emotions as objects. Eventually, you’ll learn to rest your mind in the present moment without the support of an object.

The key is to rest your attention lightly on whatever physical object you use—not too tight or loose.

You can start your session by focusing on the breath for a short while and then spend the remainder of the session on the object of your choice. But if you find it difficult or claustrophobic to use the breath, use another object for your entire session.

Aside from that initial transition from the breath to your main object, don’t jump from one object to another in the same session. That will facilitate stability.

4. Your mind will wander

When you try to meditate, naturally, your mind will wander off and become distracted. You’ll suddenly find yourself thinking about a problem at work, remembering your last vacation, or spacing out.

When that happens, return your mind to the object and begin again.

Don’t reprimand yourself. When you realize you’re distracted, it’s a moment of awareness. That’s what you want to cultivate in meditation!

Beginning meditators often express frustration because they cannot remain undistracted for long. At this stage of the practice, what’s important isn’t how long you can stay undistracted but how often you realize you’re distracted and bring your mind back.

Those moments of awareness will start to add up so that awareness, rather than distraction, becomes your natural way of being.

5. Too many thoughts?

At first, when you try to meditate, it will probably seem like you’re having a million more thoughts than usual. You’re just noticing your usual volume for the first time.

Don’t lose heart!

This is a good sign. It means you’re aware of what’s occurring in your mind, which is the whole point of mindfulness meditation.

“In the ancient meditation instructions, it is said that at the beginning thoughts will arrive one on top of another, uninterrupted, like a steep mountain waterfall. Gradually, as you perfect meditation, thoughts become like the water in a deep, narrow gorge; then a great river slowly winding its way down to the sea; finally the mind becomes like a still and placid ocean, ruffled by only the occasional ripple or wave.”—The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying

You're on your way if you notice your thoughts, however many.

6. Meditation is not the absence of thoughts

People often think meditation means trying to rid the mind of thoughts. That single misconception leads to tremendous frustration for people new to meditation. Trying to force your mind to be quiet never works.

“Thinking is the natural activity of the mind. Meditation is not about stopping your thoughts. Meditation is simply a process of resting the mind in its natural state, which is open to and naturally aware of thoughts, emotions, and sensations as they occur.” — Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche, The Joy of Living, Unlocking the Secret and Science of Happiness

Mindfulness means being aware of whatever occurs in the mind — stillness or movement. You may have moments when all your thoughts dissolve. Enjoy the gap and stay present in it. But remember, the absence of thoughts is transitory and not the primary goal of meditation.

Meditation will calm your mind, but it’s not through forcefully trying to stop your thoughts.

Be aware of whatever occurs in your mind without following it. Practice returning your mind to the present moment whenever you find it distracted. In time, your mind will naturally calm down.

In a sense, your thoughts give up when you don’t pay too much attention to them. Gradually, you start to feel more space between you and the thoughts that arise. You feel more relaxed, regardless of whether there’s a thought arising or your mind is empty for a moment.

7. Who is noticing?

There are two aspects of the mind: the awareness of the mind and the projections of the mind, the latter meaning thoughts and emotions.

Your task in meditation is to remain aware rather than go off on a date with a beautiful thought or destructive emotion. When you notice a thought or feeling, you can return your mind to the object of your meditation: the breath, a physical form, sounds, or sensations without further ado.

However, don’t suppress thoughts or emotions. Allow them to appear, stay as long as they remain, and pass on without attaching to them. Through this process, you recognize the transitory nature of thoughts and emotions, and they begin to lose their power over you.

This is when emotional freedom begins.

Most people think they are their thoughts and emotions. When you learn to identify with awareness rather than the projections of the mind, you realize that’s not the case. You become the ruler of your life rather than subject to the whim of any false thought or turbulent emotion that happens to come up.

8. Ego wants to come along!

As soon as you decide to meditate, your ego eagerly wants to come along. It intends to bring all its neurotic and habitual patterns to the meditation cushion (or chair).

The patterns that typically dominate your life will likely appear in your meditation. For example:

• Perfectionism

• Trying too hard

• Feeling afraid your mind will never relax

• Trying to meet the external expectations of a teacher or guide

• Giving up because it’s too hard.

• Resistance.

• Checking out

• Restlessness

I know you thought meditation was about finding a calm, peaceful space where thoughts and emotions aren’t allowed. But even if you could create such a space as a beginner, it wouldn't last long.

Mindfulness meditation will bring calm, but it happens in a different, more sustainable way when you relax with whatever arises.

Because you’re paying attention, you’ll notice when an unhappy pattern tries to take over. Instead of unthinkingly following it, you now have a choice. Whenever you don’t respond in your habitual way, you gradually free yourself from unwise patterns.

Eventually, they melt away, and you feel calmer, clearer, and more centered.

Perfectionism? No problem! You notice it arise but don’t follow its command.

This is how meditation fuels positive change.

9. Painful memories and emotions may rise

When you’re in a state of relaxed awareness, painful memories may arise and trigger complex emotional states.

By now, you know that thoughts and emotions are transitory if you leave them alone. This is how healing can occur.

As best you can, quietly be present to the memory and witness the tug of emotions trying to draw you in. When you acknowledge them but let them be, these memories and feelings will slowly lose their painful hold on you.

The secret is to open up to difficult emotions instead of pulling away from them. Be willing to feel and experience them without ruminating about them.

You won’t heal emotional wounds in one shot. Be prepared for similar emotional themes to surface again and again. If you hold your ground of awareness, in time, each pattern will shift.

At the same time, don’t torture yourself with overwhelming emotions. Apply mindfulness with discernment. End your meditation session if your feelings become too wild or overwhelming. Soothe yourself, do something you enjoy, or seek support.

Meditation can open the door to the unconscious, allowing healing to occur. But you have to be ready for it.

You don’t want to re-traumatize yourself.

If you’re a trauma survivor or live with mental illness, check with your therapist before engaging in mindfulness meditation and exploring emotional wounds. There are essential steps you can take to make mindfulness a safer place for you.

10. Don’t concentrate too intently

Mindfulness meditation is not intense concentration that excludes everything but the selected object. If you concentrate too intently, you’ll burn out.

Mindfulness meditation has three aspects: mindfulness, watchful awareness, and spacious abiding.

• Mindfulness of the object

• Awareness that you’re mindful while also conscious of the environment around you.

• Abiding spaciously, allowing whatever arises to move through your mind without suppressing or indulging it.

For example, as I type these words, the computer screen is my main object, but I can hear the birds cooing in the background. I’m not so fixated on the screen that I’m oblivious to what’s happening around me. I’m also abiding spaciously — relaxed with space in my mind for anything to appear and dissolve, conscious of what’s happening around me while resting my attention on my object.

11. Do you feel agitated when you try to meditate?

There are two main obstacles in meditation. The first one is called agitation. That’s when your mind is all over the place. Like ants in your pants, you may feel the impulse to get up and get going.

Here are some practical steps you can take to reduce agitation:

• If you practice with your eyes open, lower your gaze rather than gazing directly into the space before you.

• Practice in a room that is warm and dark

• Wear thicker clothing

• Eat heavier food

• Relax

When agitation isn’t too intense, it’s advised to draw in the scattered attention and place it on the object of your practice — the breath, an image, or whatever object you’re using.

There may be times, however, when agitation seems to have a stronghold on you. Let’s take a moment to look at the cause of agitation.

In Tibetan Buddhism, it’s said that agitation arises from attachment. In other words, we have a lot on our minds because we are attached to people, places, possessions, ideas, and outcomes.

Desperately trying to bring the mind back to the object of your meditation can backfire when the mind is too wild.

Instead, when the agitation is intense, reflect on impermanence to counter the attachment at the root of your frantic mind. Instead of trying to pull your mind back to the object, relax the mind and cultivate a sense of disenchantment with all the impermanent affairs of this life.

Recall how thoughts and emotions are constantly coming and going. There’s nothing permanent or solid about them. They’re just fabrications of the mind. Are all these thoughts and feelings so important? Is that phone call critical? Will the world end if your to-do list waits five minutes?

When your mind has settled through reflection on impermanence, return to mindfulness of your object again.

Photo by Brett Sayles from Pexels

12. Or do you check out?

Dullness is the second main obstacle in mindfulness meditation. That means feeling drowsy, spaced out, or dreamy.

To reduce dullness, you can try these strategies:

• If you practice with your eyes closed, open them up. If your eyes are open but gazing downward, lift your gaze and direct it into the space before you.

• Open the window to let in some fresh air or keep the room temperature cooler.

• Wear lighter clothing.

• Eat lighter food.

Dudjom Rinpoche calls dullness “a blurred and mindless stagnation.” He advises:

“How do you get out of that state? Alert yourself, straighten your back, breathe the stale air out of our lungs, and direct your awareness into the clear space to freshen your mind. If you remain in this stagnant state, you will not evolve, so whenever this setback arises, clear it again and again. It is important to be as watchful as possible, and to stay as vigilant as you can.”—from The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying

Remember to aim for a balance of relaxation and alertness in mindfulness meditation.

13. Get to know your mind

Mindfulness meditation isn’t only about calming the mind or reducing stress. It’s an opportunity to get to know the patterns of your mind and heart. By developing a more spacious mind, you can more easily observe the patterns of thoughts and emotions that bring you unease.

• Are you prone to jealousy?

• Do you compare yourself to others?

• Are you constantly criticizing yourself?

• Do small things trigger big waves of anger?

By getting to know your conditioned responses through mindful meditation, you’re empowered to change them and thus can live a happier life.

Also, notice your good qualities, positive actions, and progress, both in mediation and in all the ways you’re gradually becoming a better human being.

14. Let the love flow

Meditation is an opportunity to practice loving kindness for yourself.

Your mind will wander in meditation—everyone does. You might fall asleep or miss your session altogether.

You’ll find many opportunities to accept and love yourself, mistakes and all. Never criticize yourself in meditation. It’s counterproductive to do so. Instead, commit always to be loving and kind to yourself.

As you learn about your mind, you’ll see all the suffering you create for yourself through how you think and your habitual emotional reactions. As a result, a time will come when you understand others function in precisely the same way. You’ll naturally feel love and compassion for yourself and, by extension, everyone else.

15. Build up your practice time slowly

You may fail if you set unrealistic expectations, like sitting for thirty minutes off the bat.

Start with five or ten-minute sessions and gradually build up your time in meditation. Do enough to begin to feel the positive benefits of meditation, but not so much that you overwhelm yourself.

The key to success is regularity. Try to sit every day or at least four or five times a week.

16. When is the best time to meditate?

The best time to meditate is whenever it works best for you. It helps if you can sit at the same time each day, but that’s not an absolute requirement.

Traditionally, meditation is recommended first thing in the morning when the mind and energetic airwaves are clear. Spiritual heavyweights get up at three or four a.m.

Understandably, you might not want to do that! Please find the time that works best for you, and do your best to stick with it.

17. You can be mindful anywhere

Formal meditation sessions are essential. Without a strong foundation, sustaining mindfulness in daily life will be challenging.

However, the main point of meditation practice is to develop the ability to be mindful all the time, anywhere and everywhere—traditionally called “post-meditation.”

So, when your meditation session ends, don’t jump up and launch into life at rocket speed. Take a moment to feel the benefit of your practice. Then, get up mindfully. Do your best to engage mindfully in daily life.

During the day, whenever you find your mind wandering, bring it back to the present moment.

You can set a timer on your watch, phone, or other device to gently ring once an hour as a reminder to return to the present moment. You can also use specific triggers, like answering the phone, brushing your teeth, or eating a meal, to remind yourself to be present.

Through repetition like this, mindfulness will gradually become second nature.

18. Your understanding of meditation will change

Your understanding and practice of meditation will change and mature as you practice and learn more.

Whatever you think meditation is now, it’s not. But you’re where you must be to get to the next step.

Don’t worry too much about whether you have it all right. Just follow the instructions as best you can. More will be revealed to you through your own experience as you gain stability in the practice.

19. Learning to meditate takes time

Most of us overthink and have done so for years. That means your brain is hardwired to fire off thoughts. Those thoughts give birth to well-worn emotional responses.

That’s just how it is. Unless you’re a rare exception, it will take time to establish mindfulness practice. But don’t let that discourage you. You’ll have more and more positive experiences as you move along.

I’ve seen many people struggle with a busy mind or another obstacle when they first meditate. But they begin to get the hang of it after a few weeks. They feel a discernible difference after practicing for a month. After practicing for a year, the same people have a completely different experience of and relationship to mediation.

So, don’t be impatient. Instead of feeling in a rush to achieve inner calm, enjoy the process of coming to know your mind. Trust that, in time, your mind will settle and become remarkably different the longer you practice mindfulness meditation.

20. Need support?

If you have trouble practicing mindfulness meditation on your own, take a class or find a community of people who meditate regularly and sit with them.

Take a time-proven Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) course from the University of Massachusetts Memorial Health Center for Mindfulness or learn from the UCLA Mindfulness Awareness Research Center.

The Center for Mindfulness offers weekly worldwide online sits. You can also download the free UCLA Mindful App and guided meditations.

There are Buddhist meditation groups in most major cities and secular meditation studios with names like “unplug” or “the den.”

Just make sure the program you choose teaches an authentic mindfulness practice. Given mindfulness's popularity, too many people without proper training create incomplete or insufficient programs.

21. Stay inspired

Inspiration is one of the best fuels on the path of mindfulness meditation.

Listening to podcasts, watching videos, and reading books on mindfulness are three ways to keep the spark alive and feel eager to get your tush back on the cushion again.

Videos or podcasts from respected mindfulness teachers can become your best meditation buddies.

Closing Thoughts

Meditation has many practical benefits, from reducing stress to increasing focus and managing chronic pain. These are significant in and of themselves.

But most importantly, meditation puts you in touch with your true nature, whatever you might call it — spirit, soul, or awareness. When you identify with your essence instead of all the thoughts and emotions, you will begin to know inner peace, compassion, and true freedom.

Questions? Thoughts?

I would love to answer any questions you might have about mindfulness meditation or hear about challenges you’ve faced when trying to practice mindfulness. I always love hearing from you. Just drop your question or reply in the comments.

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