Being an Adult Means Doing Hard Things
Ideally, R&R doesn't mean resistance and resentment
Aloha Lovelies,
I seriously dislike taking my cats to the vet.
Each time, I wind myself up into an anxious state ahead of time wondering if I’ll be able to get kitty into the cat carrier. I worry if she’ll leap on top of the kitchen cupboards, which she does on occasion, where she will be completely inaccessible to me.
If I do manage to get her into the carrier, will it be too hot for her? Will she croak from the heat because I’m a bad kitty mom? Even though I blast the air conditioner, maybe enough cool air won’t get to the back seat.
I know she will cry for the entire drive to the vet, which unnerves me to no end.
Mixed in with the anxiety and underlying feeling of resistance (I really don’t want to do this), I find there’s a good portion of resentment too. I resent being alone and having to do this on my own.
I know this sounds crazy, but many people don’t take their cats for annual exams at all (about 52% according this study). Two of the main reasons they cite are the cat hates vet visits and they themselves get stressed at the thought of a vet appointment.
So, I’m not alone.
And being a highly sensitive person, I really feel for the cat. Who wants to suddenly have their freedom taken away by being placed in a small carrier and then manhandled by strangers?
This isn’t just my imagination.
Once, when I left my cat for three hours at the vet, the vet reported an elevated heart rate. Obviously, she was afraid in the strange, new environment. Another time, my other cat didn’t appreciate being take into “the back” for a blood draw. When the vet assistant brought her back to me, she was drooling. He told me drooling is a stress response for a cat.
I need to take each of my cats to the vet twice a year, one is a senior and the other has a special condition that needs to be monitored.
Will I repeat this resistance and resentment scenario again and again each time?
Something clicked for me after my vet visit a few days ago.
I realized that being an adult means doing hard things. There’s still a child-like part of me that wants someone else to do the hard things.
Being on my own, I’ve learned to do unpleasant things. If a mouse gets into the house, I’m the one who has to chase it down and shoo it out. If one of the cats gifts me with a dead animal on the front door mat, I have to transport it to its final resting place.
Now I have to take one step further into adulthood and accept that I’m the one that has to take the cats to the vet, as challenging as the experience can be.
No more resistance and resentment because being an adult means doing hard things. That’s just how it is. I don’t need to add more drama to the cat crying in the car or drooling because she had to go in the back at the vet. I know that as soon as she’s back in her territory she’s fine.
Taking the cat (or dog) to the vet might be a breeze for you. But I invite you to look at where resistance and resentment lurk in your life. What brings these emotions up for you?
It can be so freeing to recognize and release these gnarly emotions. It may not happen the first time you notice these emotions. It may be a process that takes time like it has for me. But it’s such a relief every time we let go of a little chunk of emotional stickiness that keeps us going round and round in drama.
And remember, after you do the hard thing, you deserve some real R & R (rest and relaxation)!
I would love to hear your thoughts, so please leave a comment.
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Until Next Time
I listened to a teaching yesterday on the theme: “Be the change you want to see in the world.” We can’t expect anyone else to be peaceful, loving, or tolerant if we haven’t actualized those qualities ourselves.
In these hard times, remember keep being the change you want to see in the world. That’s the only way we can create a new world. Don’t hesitate to speak up and speak out, but try to do so without hatred in your heart.
Thank you for reading. Until next time, stay safe, be happy, and let your love flow. Sending you all my love and best wishes.
xo Sandra
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Hi Sandra, This really hit a chord with me this morning. Over lockdown my long time business was swept away and I'm in the position of being nearly 60 and looking for a job. I've worked for myself for a long time and have some other projects on the go, but none are at the place where they bring me an income. That sense of wanting someone to save me from this (at 57!) has been incredibly strong - old parents, friends, a random lottery ticket! Doing the hard things means getting an emergency job and allowing that. I might not want it, but I need to wom(man) up and get the job done. I've been palpating and drooling (!!) for a long time, I dont want to go into 'the back' either, I want to stay hiding away in my lovely little office with views of the sky, but but but... its time to do the hard things with integrity and have faith they will work out. Thank you for posting this :-)
I have a very large cat named Groucho that weighs 24 pounds and he is a hassle to bring into the vet because of his size. He is due to go in for a check up to keep medications available. My back is giving me trouble so I have been putting off dragging him in. It is so hard to get a cat loaded into a carrier and so easy to get them to go back in it once you are at the vet.