Finding Magic in Second Chances: Creating a Better Future for Yourself

Are you setting healthy boundaries and walking the path meant for you?

Photo by Nataliya Vaitkevich on Pexels

Hello Lovelies,

Don’t be alarmed by the first part of this story. It turned out well for me.

I placed my hand on the edge of the refrigerator case, between the carrots and broccoli, to steady myself. Amid the bright lights and blaring music at the health food store, an overwhelming feeling of unwellness had suddenly struck.

My vision blurred. Intense heat shot through my body and, for a moment, I thought, “Is this a heart attack?” Fortunately not.

It quickly became apparent I was about to faint. But I didn’t.

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The medical system calls this pre-syncope, when you almost faint but don’t. The symptoms I experienced are a few of those that might occur during pre-syncope.

I gathered myself for a few minutes. Then, I threw an ice cream bar into my shopping basket and checked out.

Once in my car, I ripped off the ice cream wrapper like it covered lifesaving medicine. I also blasted the air-conditioning on my face and torso and swallowed two Tylenol tablets recovered from my emergency kit.

Could the steely muscle pain in my neck and upper shoulders have diminished blood supply to my brain? Or maybe dehydration deserved the blame, I pondered what might have caused the pre-syncope, as I sucked copious amounts of water from my stainless steel thermos.

At the same time, I couldn’t help but ask, “Am I taking good enough care of myself?”

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I rarely read whole books these days. But I had recently downloaded Revealing Light, How Cancer Illuminated My Divine Blueprint by Maryann Weston.

I enjoy Weston’s political tarot readings on YouTube and have often wondered how she went from newspaper journalist to psychic. Cancer was her tipping point, and the transformation wasn’t quick or easy.

Weston highlighted stress and overwork as key contributors to her unexpected cancer diagnosis. Had she written this book just for me?

“I thought back over my life and shook my head at all the times I had stayed back at work too late or let myself be overworked and overloaded. I thought about my constant sacrificing of self for my family, and most of all, for my employers, and wondered why on earth had I not looked after myself? Why, in the ladder of importance, did I put myself on the bottom rung? How could I get it so wrong that I put everyone and everything before my health? What motivated me to dissect petty office politics and extended family squabbles, or carry around someone else’s negative energy and unresolved dysfunction?—Mary Ann Weston

I sympathized with Weston’s workaholism, which was rooted in a desire to help.

A few decades ago, stress and overwork awakened a giant immune disorder in my body. I don’t believe Maryann was wrong in her conclusion about that nasty duo, stress and overwork, although genetics also played a role for us.

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We hear this same story, again and again, don’t we?

For example, a colleague was once rushed into surgery for a malignant tumor on his kidney after being given just four days to live.

Signs like fatigue had bothered him for the past year but were ignored in favor of his busy life. After his surgery, my friend was only expected to live for a few months. He beat the worst odds and lived decades longer.

It was the same for Weston; she disregarded the signals from her body:

“As I reflected on my operation, I knew that for a long time I’d missed the signals my body had been giving. As I went about my busy days, with my mental-to-do list, eyes firmly on the series of rigid mini-goals I’d set myself—which now seemed insignificant, pointless even—I had numbed myself towards achievement in the workplace to mask the real problems; insecurity and low self-esteem, I had unwittingly sacrificed the opportunity to be in touch with my body. Had I been listening, it was telling me to slow down, rest, speak up and set boundaries.” —Maryann Weston

These stories and my own make me wonder: Why do we need a crisis before we can respect ourselves and redirect our lives in better ways?

• Couldn’t we listen to our bodies and avert all the unnecessary pain, anxiety, and distress that comes with a cancer diagnosis or another physical disaster?

• Couldn’t we wake up one day, any day, and decide to stop overworking and take better care of ourselves?

• Couldn’t we recognize our unfulfillment and say a final “no” to the wrong job, unkind partner, or undesirable location?

Please don’t take this as a reprimand.

It took a crisis to wake me up. Even now, I still struggle with the pull to do too much despite my chronic illness and neurodivergent brain.

But I wish people didn’t have to suffer so much. The pain Weston describes from chemo, radiation, and surgery seems almost insurmountable.

Rather than a reproach, please consider this an invitation to pause and assess your life if something new and different beckons.

Are you satisfied, fulfilled, and on the right path? Are you listening to your body and getting enough rest? Do you feel safe, supported, and cherished by your partner?

Dare to make positive changes before a disaster puts you on a new path.

It may be challenging at first, but you can learn to set healthy boundaries like Weston did during her cancer journey.

“I began to set boundaries in personal relationships that had previously allowed way too much latitude. I took a leaf out of my mom’s book and stelled my mind against those situations that made my heart ache, and my mind race with ‘what if’ thoughts. I began to take steps to stay well and I began to become quite determined about seeing it through, regardless of what some people might think.”—Maryann Weston

Boundaries could save your life. While Weston survived cancer, her sister, who was diagnosed one year earlier, did not.

Fortunately, the pre-syncope was an isolated event.

I monitored my heart rate for the next week and couldn’t have been more pleased with how it ticks. My blood pressure has also been close to normal.

Still, I sense that Weston’s book has a message for me. I know I could take better care of myself. Exercise is typically my last priority, and I have a prediliction for Häagen-Dazs ice cream bars.

I’ve felt more stressed recently because I’m experimenting with new projects to replace my lost writing income. It’s easy to think, “I’ll just do a little more to get this off the ground sooner.”

For me, that “little more” can quickly turn into hours of hyperfocus, neglecting all else. When my watch says it’s time to stand, I look away, and when thirst says to drink, I think, “Later.”

What are the psychological dynamics that keep me frozen to my chair?

Last night, I listened to a podcast with Dr. Megan Anna Neff about autistic burnout, the topic of her upcoming book, and the deep work that recovery requires. This work can include grieving our limits and working through internalized ableism and other psychological issues before we can learn how to work reasonably.

There might be lessons in there for neurotypical people, too.

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Weston’s story—and my own—has taught me that repeatedly pushing ourselves to the brink never ends well. Our bodies signal softly long before they shout. Too often, we ignore these signs in favor of productivity, responsibility, or habit.

Can we learn to value ourselves enough to make changes before we’re forced to? Can we let ourselves slow down, rest, and set boundaries without needing a crisis to justify it? Taking care of ourselves isn’t an indulgence; it’s necessary for a healthy and happy life.

What small shift can you make today? Change rarely comes in a single, dramatic moment. It starts with one decision, right now.

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Books mentioned (affiliate links):

• Revealing Light: How Cancer Illumination My Divine Blueprint by Maryann Weston

• The Autistic Burnout Workbook: Your Guide to Your Personal Recovery Plan by Dr. Megan Anna Neff

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Until Next Time

I’m holding on to my motto, “slow and steady.” I won’t let this new stress get the best of me.

I’m so grateful for your presence! Thank you for reading and supporting my work.

Much love and best wishes to you, always.

xo Sandra

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