She Left Hospice—and Taught Me How to Be Happy

A simple formula for joy, even when life gets hard

Photo by SHVETS production from Pexels

My friend Michele was on hospice home care for five years, when you’re only supposed to be end-of-life material for six months.

Eventually, she quit hospice. Not because she died. It didn’t matter what the scans said, she reasoned, because she felt brilliantly alive. She sparkled, despite how cancer had inched through her body and marred her brain, her bones, and several other organs and structures.

That’s not to say she didn’t have pain or fatigue. She did, but she took personal responsibility and learned how to manage it as effectively as possible.

What’s Keeping You Alive?

Once, I asked Michele, “What’s keeping you alive?”

This is what she told me:

• Loving life, really loving life.

• Helping others.

• Meditation — two hours in the morning and two hours in the evening.

• Self-hypnosis, especially when the pain was intense.

I would break out her happiness formula like this:

Personal Responsibility + Positive Attitude + Selfless Service = A Good Life

I like this formula. I think it could work for me, serious illness or not. But we each need to create our individualized formula for a happy life for it to work. Still, we can be inspired by Michele and even steal a few ideas from her.

Personal Responsibility

No amount of doctors and pills will extend your life forever if you don’t exercise self-responsibility in the form of self-care.

Take time to discover your ideal medicinal remedies and incorporate them into your routine regularly. Even better, embrace preventative care so you can stay as healthy as possible, as long as possible

Most people don’t stop when signs of illness appear. They think life is in the action, until they’re forced into inaction and must find another way.

If you’re too busy for self-care, here are two questions for you:

• Are you fully present and enjoying all the busyness?

• Or is staying busy a habit, an unhealthy drive to please others, or a fear of quiet?

Slow down now, at least occasionally. Truly taste each morsel of your life. You don’t have to meditate four hours a day like Michele, but find the level of self-care that nourishes and invigorates you.

Positive Attitude

During her years of terminal illness, Michele would orchestrate large gatherings once or twice a year for hundreds of people, complete with good food, a dance band, and a charitable pitch. She even had her “Celebration of Life” multiple times long before she died.

Eventually, the cancer in her brain made her virtually blind, and she relied upon a portable oxygen supply. Nevertheless, she donned her sunglasses and presided over her parties like a queen, smiling endlessly. Everyone flocked to her to say hello, enjoy her presence, and receive her wisdom.

Another time, when she had lost a frightening amount of weight, at her husband’s invitation, she went on a shopping spree at a low-cost store and filled her basket with clothes that would fit a skinny teenager. She found the whole affair delightful.

She could have obsessively fretted about her weight loss, but instead, she chose to have fun.

Occasionally, Michele would travel to be close to the people she loved or to spend a memorable holiday with her spouse. Given her condition, this wasn’t easy, and some people might have considered it unsafe, considering the state of her immune system. However, she prioritized her family connections over staying home and a potentially false sense of security.

Although I never witnessed it myself, Michele probably got grumpy and unfriendly at times. But for the most part, she committed to choosing joy and embracing life whenever she could.

Selfless Service

In her early years, Michele became involved in the civil rights movement. In her later years, she focused on youth programs. In between, she actively helped others in myriad ways — both individually as a psychotherapist and as a change agent for organizations and communities.

When she was no longer able to lead due to illness, she mentored upcoming leaders who sat by her bedside. A highly skilled psychotherapist, Michele offered to teach me self-hypnosis to address traumatic stress.

Michele gave freely with all her heart.

Do You Have Your Formula for a Sweet Life?

Her formula for a meaningful life kept Michele ticking, creating and giving for years after she left hospice care. Her success may have also demonstrated the potential power of mind over matter, although no one should push themselves in ways that feel uncomfortable.

I’m not saying you should adopt Michele’s formula. But I hope her joyful recipe might inspire you to formulate your own and thus live an equally rich and intentional life.

Start by asking yourself these questions:

• What makes you happy? What depletes your joy?

• What makes you feel content?

• What makes your life meaningful?

It could be your thoughts and attitudes, other people, your work, or other commitments and activities in your life.

After you gather your answers, design a happier life by incorporating more of what brings you joy. Gradually delete whatever depletes your happiness. You won’t be able to do this all at once, but in a year’s time, your life could begin to look very different.

Aloha Michele

Michele passed about five years after she discontinued her initial period of home hospice. This post is my small tribute to Michele, my way of sharing her special wisdom with the world, and my celebration of her incredibly beautiful life.

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