How I Calm Emotional Overwhelm and Reclaim My Energy

A mix of self-compassion and self-inquiry ease my self-made story

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels

Aloha Lovelies,

Recently, I took an online course on the “how-to” of transforming emotions. The material wasn’t new to me, but I need a refresher now and then.

I live a relatively quiet life, protected from an excessive number of triggers. I handle the minor irritations, slights, and misunderstandings that occur relatively well.

But my core issues have a hot button that the slightest breeze sets off instantly. Can you relate?

I’m more sensitive and prone to emotional dysregulation than the average person. Sometimes, I wish I didn’t feel so intensely. But we all have our tender “do not touch” places within.

I’ve done enough personal work that I rarely strike out at others when triggered now. But I can still go through an exhaustive inner exercise in personal pain.

My core issues relate to low self-worth, mainly triggered by feeling rejected, criticized, or undervalued.

When triggered, I sometimes move immediately into self-recrimination and comparisons, focusing on the illusory, not-good-enough me. I cry, and I hurt as my body reverberates with emotional residue.

I criticize myself because I “should” be better. But the truth is, it’s not easy to change deep, habitual patterns connected to our most sensitive wounds.

We can give ourselves grace when we genuinely understand how challenging change can be. Being kind to ourselves can also make us more compassionate for others who suffer similarly.

Instead of seeing myself as “bad’ when thrown by an emotional tidal wave, I aspire to see how my pain connects me to all humanity. We all get stuck in painful emotional loops. I wish to open my heart to others and myself.

In addition to self-compassion, I use the following self-reflection questions. They counteract the inner mean girl voice that says so convincingly I don’t measure up, and my life sucks.

These self-inquiry questions include:

• What do I love about my life right now?

• What do I appreciate about myself?

• What do I value?

• What do I need for my mental and physical well-being?

I journal about them. Then, I have a positive written reference I can return to if I get stuck in another cycle of self-recrimination. You could sit quietly and reflect on them if journaling is not your thing.

The truth is, my life right now is a perfect fit for me. I don’t want to be someone else to meet another’s expectations. That’s only my inner hurt girl speaking. This writing exercise reminds her and adult me that we’re good enough and all is well.

Depending on your particular core issues, you might need different questions. I encourage you to find the questions that lift you out of emotionally self-wounding talk.

Emotional overwhelm will still occur occasionally, no matter how self-aware we are or how much personal growth we’ve achieved, because it takes time to heal our deepest wounds.

Let’s hold ourselves tenderly when the waves come crashing down upon us. Then, we can raise our heads above water and breathe again.

I would love to hear from you. How do you manage emotional overwhelm? Do you think these four questions will help you?

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Until Next Time

The rainy weather outside has reflected the rainy weather inside. But a dedicated self-care day with this journaling brought me back to my senses.

Thanks for reading. It means a lot to me!

Much love and best wishes to you.

xo Sandra

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