Aloha Lovelies,
Recently, I studied the “how-to” of transforming emotions in an online course. The material wasn’t new to me. But I need a refresher now and then.
I live a relatively quiet life, protected from an excessive number of triggers. I handle the smaller irritations, slights, and misunderstandings relatively well. But my core issues have a hot button that gets set off instantly by even the smallest breeze.
Can you relate?
I may be more sensitive since I’m prone to emotional dysregulation. Sometimes I wish I didn’t feel so intensely. But we all have our tender “do not touch” places within.
Can you relate?
I’ve done enough personal work that I rarely strike out at others when triggered now. But I still go through an exhaustive inner exercise in personal pain.
My core issues relate to low self-worth, which is especially triggered by feeling rejected, criticized, or undervalued.
When triggered, I immediately move into self-recrimination and comparisons that focus on a not-good-enough me. I cry, I hurt, and my body fills up with emotional residue.
I will criticize myself because I feel I should be able to do better. But the truth is, it’s not easy to change deep habitual patterns connected to our most sensitive wounds.
When we truly get that, it helps us give ourselves some slack. It can also lead us to feel more compassion for others who suffer in the same way.
Instead of seeing myself as bad when I’ve been thrown by an emotional tidal wave, I aspire to see how my pain connects me to all humanity. We all get stuck in painful emotional loops. I aspire to open my heart to others and myself.
In addition to self-compassion, I’ve developed self-reflection questions that ease my self-made sob story when I tell myself I don’t measure up and my life sucks.
These self-inquiry questions include:
What do I love about my life right now?
What do I appreciate about myself?
What do I value?
What do I need for my mental and physical well-being?
I journal about them. Then I have a positive reference I can return to if I get stuck in another cycle of self-recrimination. But you could simply use them for self-reflection.
The truth is, my life right now is a perfect fit for me. I don’t want to be someone else to meet someone else’s expectations. That’s my inner hurt girl speaking. This writing exercise can remind her and adult me that we’re good. All is well.
You might need different questions depending on your particular core issues. I encourage you to find the questions that lift you out of emotionally self-wounding talk.
Emotional tsunamis will still come from time to time no matter how self-aware we might be and no matter how much personal growth we’ve achieved. Because it takes time to heal our deepest wounds.
Let’s hold ourselves tenderly when the waves come crashing down upon us. Then raise our heads above water and breathe again.
I would love to hear from you. Please lease a comment and share your thoughts about emotional tsunamis
[Photo by Yan Krukau]
My Recent Articles: Read Them for Free
The best way you can support me as a writer is to read one or two of my personal and spiritual growth articles on Medium. Following you’ll find “friend” links to my recent articles, which means you can read them for free!
A One-Minute Mindfulness Practice for Everyday Life
Follow me on Medium.
Until Next Time
As you might guess, I’ve been working with my deeper emotional wounds this week. The rainy weather outside has been reflected by the rainy weather inside. Thus I needed a self-care day yesterday, when I usually write this missive. I know you understand and will forgive my tardiness.
Plus, I’m fine. This is all part of the path of personal and spiritual growth. That’s what I’m here for.
Thanks for reading. It means a lot to me!
Much love and best wishes to you.
xo Sandra
This issue of Wild Arisings is free for everyone. I send a new message every other week, usually on Friday. If you’d like to receive it, join the 3,105 other beautiful souls who can’t wait for the next edition. There’s no need to pledge. Just choose the free option.
zz
It's hard to know just what to say except that I feel a connection to what you are writing about. I have used journaling for nearly 50 years to process emotions I feel deeply but don't always understand. I've gained some insights over the years, but I know that some of my responses to others come from experiences that have not yet made their way into my consciousness. I have designed a life which gives me the solitude and space I need and minimizes what you refer to as triggers. At 83, I have a life that is satisfying and fulfilling. It could use a little more adventure, and 2024 may give me some opportunities that have been missing in that department. I appreciate that you write about things that are so hard to write about! And by the way, I stumbled on Wild Arisings when I was searching for quotations and wise words in 2023 to support my Word of the year, which was "Ease." It was a transformative word for me, and I am so grateful for the gentile way it spoke to me. I look forward to your writings, and I appreciate the invitation to read your writings on Medium.
yes.. bury that pain way down....hard to believe how far we can bury that
pain....if we never had anyone to talk to..to get it out ..how else would we survived ?
so maybe the more we``re triggered now... the more chance we get to exercise our demons