3 Pieces of Life Advice from My Hairdresser
We need to hear these positive messages again and again
Aloha Lovelies,
What is it about hairdressers that make them a combination of confessor, confidant, and cheerleader?
My hairdresser works on his own, in his own home. Without a single eavesdropper nearby, the ambiance feels all the more conducive to a tell-all session.
Gerry always puts me at ease. I didn’t know how wound up I felt until my last haircut with Gerry. He’s far more relaxed than I am, making for a vivid, undeniable contrast.
Here are a few gems from my last haircut.
I always feel apologetic because it’s been so long since my previous haircut. I let my hair grow out and it keeps its shape for quite some time.
But after a year, my hair had lost any semblance to its last cut. The longish locks would get caught underneath my arms, annoying me to no end. And most of the time I clipped it atop my head due to the heat.
I thought, “I should really get a haircut.” But this appointment or that appointment took priority. And sometimes I just needed to relax instead of filling up my time with yet another commitment.
A few more months went buy before I finally dialed Gerry’s number.
As soon as I crossed over his doorstep, I entered “mea culpa” mode.
I told him, “It’s been more than a year!”
Why would that be a surprise? He rarely sees me more than once a year.
“I really want to get my hair cut more often,” I declared.
Gerry responded: “It doesn’t matter. You can come as often or as little as you like. Your hair is beautiful. Some people come once a year. Some people come every month. Whatever works for you.”
Gerry’s Advice in a Nutshell: You’re fine as you are. You don’t need to get your hair cut more often to please me. Don’t give so much energy to things that don’t matter.
“To have an incredible increase in self esteem, all you have to do is start doing some little something. You don’t have to do spectacularly dramatic things for self esteem to start going off the scale. Just make a commitment to any easy discipline. Then another one and another one.”—Jim Rohn
As we chatted, I told him about one friend who would like to see me get my hair cut more often. You know, like a normal person—every six weeks. I’d look younger if I had a dye job and kept it a little shorter too.
But shorter makes me look like the little Dutch Boy on Dutch Boy paint cans. And at another length, the ends of my hair flip up, which makes me look like Marlo Thomas in That Girl—not exactly a modern style.
I know I’ll never live up to society’s expectations. But I personally don’t put much stock into maintaining a particular physical image.
Gerry responded: “Don’t let anyone bully you! Your hair is beautiful. You do you. Don’t let anyone else tell you what to do.”
Gerry’s Advice in a Nutshell: Stand up for yourself! Be proud of who you are.
“Well, we all know that self-esteem comes from what you think of you, not what other people think of you.”—Gloria Gaynor
Of course, I also had to confess I’ve gained a few pounds since my last visit, even though he has eyes and can see for himself.
Maybe this was an advanced martial arts move. By being the first to acknowledge my self-perceived fault, I deflected any possibility he might bring it up. I avoided the shame and embarrassment I would feel should he do so.
Like he would really say, “Hey, you look chubbier.”
Gerry responded: “Some people gain weight as they age, some people don’t. It’s genetic. You’re fine just as you are. Be happy with who you are.”
Gerry’s Advice in a Nutshell: Be happy with who you are whatever your size or shape.
“Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.”—Dr. Seuss
When I left Gerry’s personal hair salon, I felt lighter. I had dropped almost a pound of hair. But I also feel a lightness of being.
I didn’t have to bring up any of these issues with him. But obviously my ashamed not-good-enough inner girl couldn’t help herself.
Sometimes my ashamed little girl takes over for a bit. She launches into a stream of apologies for who I am as if I truly am not enough.
But who cares?
I’m more confident than I’ve ever been. I have stronger boundaries than ever before. I’m more clear about who I am and what I want.
This is where I am in my personal journey from low self-esteem to greater self-respect and self-confidence. For some of us, this journey may take a lifetime. But with focus, intention, and attention, we’re getting better and better every day.
It helped to hear this message of unconditional acceptance from Jerry. It also helps if we conditionally give ourselves that same unconditional regard.
“You’re fine. You can relax.”
Let’s focus on our improvements rather than the few remaining shortfalls.
I still have low self-esteem stories embedded in my brain. They came out on my last visit to the hairdresser. But I simply noted them and moved on.
If you struggle with low self-esteem, don’t feel discouraged when your lesser-than part pops up from time to time. It happens to all of us.
Don’t get mad at your self. Just stop giving that voice attention. Slowly, it will get quieter and quieter. And you will shine more and more.
Getting a hairdresser like Gerry can help too. :-)
What do you think? How do you deal with the voices of your inner child? How do you boost your self-esteem? I would love to hear in the comments.
[Photo by RDNE Stock project on Pexels]
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Until Next Time
We’ve had heavy rains all day. The rainy season has begun. But I should call it the “extra” rainy season since we get rain all-year round. Some months are just sunnier than others.
It felt cozy writing as the drops hit the pane. But soon enough, I’ll probably be longing for sun again.
Thanks for reading. It means a lot to me!
Much love to you. Wishing you well, always.
xo Sandra
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Love reading all your articles. They are informative, encouraging and spirit up-lifting.
Thank you Sandra
Wise life lessons.
I think one important thing to do consistently in our personal journeys to develop greater self-esteem and self-respect, is to take a moment to pause, recognize and appreciate what we've gone through and achieved thus far in our journeys. This should indeed be applied to any process of growing and trying to improve ourselves.
By doing this, we'll be able to develop a greater sense of pride and appreciation for ourselves as well as our resilience for making it this far.