A Beautiful Way to Boost Your Self-Esteem
I've started to write "letters from love" Elizabeth Gilbert-style
Hello Lovelies,
I recently took a battery of online psychological evaluations as a prelude to engaging in the “Safe and Sound Protocol” for nervous system regulation.
One of the tests measured self-esteem: the Rosenburg Self-Esteem Scale (RSES). I surprised myself when I answered the test questions positively because I’ve felt unlovable for most of my life.
Without hesitation, I enthusiastically answered “yes” to the first question, which asked if I felt I was a person of worth and on an equal plane with others. Given my affirmative responses to every question on the test, you'd think I possessed rock-star self-esteem.
My answers make sense because I’ve engaged in focused inner work for several years. On some level, I know I’m as worthy as anyone else. But have I fully integrated a sense of self-worth into my being?
Despite my wildly positive test responses, I still sometimes doubt my worth. Sometimes, I still feel like I don’t fit in and wonder if people like me. My self-esteem is much better, but it remains a work in progress.
According to Psychology Today, about 85% of people worldwide have low self-esteem. I’m not alone, nor are you if you struggle with self-esteem.
Recently, I discovered that famous author Elizabeth Gilbert of Eat, Pray, Love fame has written herself a “letter from love” daily for over a quarter of a century. I understand why she’s so devoted to this practice. It takes time to turn around false beliefs about ourselves. But as you engage in a beautiful, nourishing practice like letters from love, you’ll feel more confident each day.
I want you to know about this practice because you deserve unconditional love. You don’t have to do anything or be anybody to merit love. You’re entitled to unconditional love because you exist, and on a more profound level, once the veils are pulled back, you are love.
According to Psychology Today, about 85% of people worldwide have low self-esteem. I’m not alone, nor are you if you struggle with self-esteem.
What Are “Letters from Love?”
In an interview on the Tim Ferris Show, Elizabeth Gilbert said she began writing letters from unconditional love out of desperation when she was on the brink of divorce at 30. The well-laid-out plan for her life had fallen apart, which led her into a nervous breakdown. She felt consumed by the shame of failure and the fear of disappointing others.
Why couldn’t she keep her marriage together, start a family like everyone else in her circle, and continue her picture-perfect life?
In a deep depression, one night, she woke up overcome by this persistent feeling of shame. But this time, she said she received an “instruction” to get up, grab a notebook, and write the words she wished someone else would say to her.
Her first letters from unconditional love were filled with love, affirmation, and encouragement—they told her she was amazing. Gilbert also hears direction, guidance, and humor when she listens to unconditional love and scribbles its messages in her notebook.
A letter from love is a form of “two-way prayer,” which has often been used in addiction recovery programs like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). It’s a two-way communication with a higher power or, should that feel uncomfortable, your own inner wisdom. Unlike a typical prayer monologue, you ask a question and listen for an answer.
How to Write a Letter from Love
How do you write a letter from unconditional love? This is Elizabeth Gilbert’s method:
Go to a quiet place.
Read an inspiring piece of writing that will stir your soul and open your heart. It can be a holy scripture or an uplifting poem from poets like Mary Oliver, Walt Witman, or Rumi.
Then ask this one question: “Dear Love, What would you have me know today?”
Stop, listen, and record whatever comes to your mind. Always begin with an endearment like my love, sweetheart, or little one. Pick one that suits you—it could be a nickname from childhood.
If you feel uncomfortable at first, that’s okay. You may not be accustomed to receiving unconditional love. It might take a little time to get over the awkwardness and begin to enjoy the practice.
If the process feels artificial and you doubt you’re connecting with a higher source, that’s okay, too. The practice will still make a positive difference, even if you just connect with a kinder voice from within you. As Gilbert says, wouldn’t that be better than listening to your inner mean girl (or guy)?
Remember, you don’t have to do or be anything to deserve unconditional love. You deserve unconditional love because you exist; ultimately, love is your essence.
Your letter from unconditional love doesn’t have to be perfect. Just let it be meaningful and nourishing for you.
“Dear Love, What would you have me know today?”
My First Letter from Unconditional Love
This is my first letter from unconditional love:
Precious One,
I want you to know that I see how you prioritize yourself, your self-care, and your well-being. Instead of getting up early to check on this or that, you sleep in and get the rest you need. I’m so proud of you.
I see you struggling to let go of distractions and devote yourself to spiritual evolution. I want you to know that I don’t judge you. I understand it’s hard being human. I see your spiritual desire, positive intention, and all the good you do. Please see this yourself, too. Open your heart to yourself and love every part of your being. I see you growing each day. You are so beautiful.
Unconditional Love
My letter wasn’t long, and it doesn’t have to be! There are no rules. Make it work for you.
I don’t write letters from love daily because morning meditation is my priority. But I write them when I need them.
I write a letter from unconditional love when self-doubts set in or when my inner mean girl starts to shout. Sometimes, my daily journaling practice becomes a letter from unconditional love, even when I haven’t asked what love wants me to know today.
What Do You Think?
Have you ever written a letter to yourself from unconditional love? Can you imagine writing one? What would it feel like for you? I would love to hear your thoughts. Please share with me and others in the comments.
Listen to Elizabeth Gilbert on her practice of writing letters from love [16:12 to 21:04] on The Tim Ferris Show, or read her Letters from Love with Elizabeth Gilbert Substack and learn more about how to write one.
Until Next Time
I’ve become slightly obsessed with Elizabeth Gilbert, so you might hear more of her wisdom in future messages.
My wild health symptoms have calmed down, and I’m starting a new medication today. Fingers crossed!
Thanks for reading. It means so much to me. Much love and best wishes to you, always.
xo Sandra
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This is such a wonderful idea. Thank you for sharing the idea and the example. There was such gentleness and kindness in the letter you wrote to yourself. Beautiful!
Sandra- My favorite part is allowing oneself words like this: “Instead of getting up early to check on this or that, you sleep in and get the rest you need.”