Burnout and Letting Go: Embracing a New Mindset

Fighting the urge to do more

Aloha Lovelies,

My best friends canceled our weekly get-together yesterday morning. I love our gatherings. But I wasn’t disappointed by the cancellation.

I felt utterly burned out.

My morning freed up, I considered the grocery shopping and errands I routinely do in the afternoons after our weekly meetings. But I couldn’t imagine moving off the couch.

Despite my foggy mind, I meditated for twenty minutes—a routine that grounds me. I didn't feel fully energized after finishing the sit and eating breakfast. But I thought I could face my afternoon tasks in a low-energy style. I pared the list down to just the essential ones.

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I regularly feel burned out by Friday, but the burnout came earlier this week. I know I’ll feel better if I allow myself one or two low-key days.

This weekly cycle of burnout doesn’t mean I never have more energy. But I have a limited capacity. The more I respect my limits, the better. But that’s not necessarily easy to do.

Ideally, I would abide by “The Spoon Theory,” a concept coined in 2003 by writer Christine Miserandino, who suffered from Lupus. Miserandino used spoons as a metaphor to describe the experience of chronic illness to one of her close friends.

In her example, a spoon represents a unit of physical and mental energy. A healthy person begins the day with a large number of spoons. But a person with chronic illness starts her day with far fewer. Therefore, she must carefully plan her day and what she can realistically accomplish in advance so she doesn’t run out of energy.

How does this relate to burnout?

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I experienced significant burnout after working in a high-stress job for a decade. I don’t know how I managed to continue for so long, but I was highly motivated by the organization’s mission.

Psychology Today defines burnout like this:

“Burnout is a state of emotional, mental, and often physical exhaustion brought on by prolonged or repeated stress. Though it’s most often caused by problems at work, it can also appear in other areas of life, such as parenting, caretaking, or romantic relationships.”

Prolonged stress can have a wide range of ill effects. That’s what happened to me.

I didn’t know I had a genetic trait that could lead to Hereditary Alpha Tryptasemia Syndrome. Researchers didn’t identify the trait until 2016, years after I burned out.

The genetic trait results in one or more extra copies of the TPSAB1 gene, which leads to high serum tryptase levels and a spectrum of possible physical and mental complaints.

Some with the genetic trait are asymptomatic. Others are symptomatic from birth or become symptomatic later in life, sometimes after a trauma or high-stress event.

I felt burned out as I neared the end of that stress-ridden job. I didn’t think I could take another day or another criticism from my boss. Shortly after I left the job, a sudden illness overtook me. It gave me an arm’s length list of symptoms that doctors were unable to understand.

I could no longer work; some days, I spent hours on the couch in an all-encompassing fog. Burnout led to this physical disaster. As you can imagine, at least momentarily, I regretted all the late nights and weekends of extra work.

I wish more people understood the way overwork and excess stress can lead to illness.

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I’ve recently been following a YouTube channel called “charlierewilding.” In her videos, 30-year-old Charlie recounts her disenchantment with her work as a corporate finance lawyer, her experience of and ongoing recovery from burnout, and her autism diagnosis.

Charlie worked hard, constantly pushing herself to do more. But burnout isn’t only about working too much. Charlie no longer resonated with her work in the corporate world and felt it conflicted with her sense of self—these can be additional signs of burnout.

Although yet to be diagnosed, Charlie now knows she suffers from autistic burnout, too.

“Autistic burnout is a prolonged state of intense fatigue, decreased executive functioning or life skills, and increased sensory processing sensitivity experienced by autistic people. Autistic burnout is thought to be caused by stress arising from masking or living in a neurotypical environment that does not accommodate needs of autistic people.”—Wikipedia

Charlie has also been diagnosed with ADHD, which commonly co-occurs with Autism. The symptoms of ADHD, like attention issues, disorganization, and poor time management, can add to burnout, according to Web, MD.

Autism and ADHD have gone radically underdiagnosed in girls, women, non-binary, and transgender people. Because I have traits of both autism and ADHD, I can’t help but wonder if they’ve contributed to my neverending cycle of burnout.

These diagnoses could be a contributing factor for some people who experience burnout and something to consider if your burnout feels intractable.

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I usually want to do more, even though it will drain me.

For example, one of my online colleagues recently completed a 31-day writing challenge, completing 31 high-quality articles in a month. I would love to do the same challenge but I can barely manage 9-12 articles monthly.

Miserandino expressed this same sentiment in her 2003 article, The Spoon Theory.

“Its hard, the hardest thing I ever had to learn is to slow down, and not do everything. I fight this to this day. I hate feeling left out, having to choose to stay home, or to not get things done that I want to.”—Christine Miserandino

If you feel overwhelmed, depleted, or burned out, I’m sure you understand this constant desire to do more. You’ve probably experienced the cycle of doing more and falling back more than once.

What’s the solution?

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Letting go isn’t easy. In an achievement-oriented culture, we're conditioned to do more. We’re praised when we overwork and given awards for increased output.

There isn’t a single solution. But I can tell you what helps me.

I aspire to shift the balance in my life from doing to being. At the end of their lives, people repeatedly confess their regrets. Many wish they hadn’t worked so much.

It’s the quality of your being, not how much you accomplish, that truly matters.

Burnout sucks. Chronic illness sucks. But it forces us to slow down.

It allows us to go within and connect with who we are and what we want. It lets us tune into the beauty surrounding us—the wind rushing through trees, birds calling to one another, and flowers boasting their sweet scent.

I experience the beauty of being every day in meditation. But that’s just a tiny taste.

While a part of me clamors to do more, another part cherishes the joy of simple being. She wants more being and less doing.

Are you with me, burnt out or not?

I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments. How do you deal with burnout? Would you happen to have any tips for us?

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Until Next Time

As you might guess, I plan to have a weekend of delicious downtime.

Thanks for reading. It means a lot to me!

Much love and best wishes to you.

xo Sandra

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