How To Be Kind To Yourself When You Can’t Do It All

Don't you deserve the same kindness you would offer to others?

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels

Hello Lovelies,

I’ve been doing the bare minimum for the past few months as I attempted to sort out my current health challenge and cope with symptoms like insomnia, fatigue, and headaches.

Despite societal pressure to achieve more, work harder, and be more productive, circumstances sometimes require you to do the bare minimum.

For example:

• You might be taking care of an elderly parent or an ill partner and can do little else.

• You may be coping with grief or loss, recovering from surgery, or suffering from burnout.

• You may face physical illness or mental health challenges that drain your energy and motivation.

How will you treat yourself when you can’t be ultra-productive? Will you be kind to yourself or pressure yourself to do more?

I want you to know that it’s okay not to do it all. You’ll serve yourself best by giving yourself grace and not pushing yourself past your limitations.

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Why Self-Kindness Matters

You may instantly judge yourself when you’re struggling and feel less productive. It’s easy to do because we’ve internalized societal conditioning that equates productivity with personal worth.

I, indeed, have fallen into the self-judgment trap. There have been times when I’ve told myself:

• “If I just push myself, I can do more.”

• “Everyone else manages just fine; why can’t I?”

• “I should burn the midnight oil to keep up.”

But this kind of negative self-talk will only deplete you. Would you speak to an overwhelmed or exhausted friend like this? Of course not! You’d offer them kindness, reassurance, and support.

Aren’t you equally deserving of kindness?

Self-kindness is essential when we can’t keep up because:

1. It helps you recover. Being hard on yourself depletes your energy, while kindness boosts you.

2. It counters burnout. Allowing yourself downtime and giving yourself grace prevents long-term debility.

3. It builds resilience. Self-compassion brings ease and lightheartedness, which can open windows of possibility. In contrast, spiraling into shame, guilt, or depression keeps you stuck in a negative space.

Let’s stop measuring our worth by how much we accomplish. Instead, focus on how kind you can be to yourself when you can’t do it all.

“This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need.”

– Kristin Neff

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Practical Ways to Practice Self-Kindness

Here are some ways I’ve been kind to myself during the last few months.

I’m allowing myself to rest without guilt. Sometimes, I don’t fall asleep until 2 a.m. or, even worse, 4 a.m. I no longer schedule appointments in the morning and allow myself to sleep as long as needed. I take afternoon naps, too.

I’ve lowered my expectations. Last Sunday, I planned to work on my taxes. But I woke up with a killer headache, entirely resistant to Tylenol or Ibuprofen. I replaced taxes with laying on the couch listening to spiritual teachings. Having a pre-planned list of low-key activities for low-energy days is helpful.

I focus on positive self-talk. My inner mean girl wants to suck me into worry. “This might continue forever,” she’ll say. To counteract her voice, I have various lists of positive statements that I repeat to myself. “I am” affirmations help tremendously.

Here are a few of my favorite “I am” affirmations:

• I am strong.

• I am resilient.

• I am enough.

I also remind myself everything is impermanent, and I’ll figure this out. I’m a survivor.

“Talk to yourself as you would someone you love.” – Brene Brown

I celebrate wins—big, medium, or small. Miraculously, in between the bad days, I’ve increased my exercise over the last month. I’ve patted myself on the back for that and for publishing my Substack articles on schedule, even though I haven’t been able to work on other projects. You can celebrate making one phone call, sending one text, or taking a shower—no win is too small to acknowledge with joy.

I treat myself. I indulge in an occasional ice cream, enjoy my favorite YouTube channels like Penny, the Talking Cat, and visit with my best friends once a week.

This isn’t an exhaustive self-kindness list. Please add to it. How can you be kind to yourself when you can’t do it all?

A Small Breakthrough

I began to get extreme headaches along with other symptoms like insomnia when I increased my animal protein intake on a low-carb diet last year. The doctors I consulted were as perplexed as I was since I have no evident kidney or endocrine disorders.

Eventually, I discovered (or re-discovered) the link between tyramine and headaches in some people.

For decades, I have avoided most foods high in tyramine, including aged cheeses, cured and processed meats, and fermented foods.

But I didn’t know that all nuts and nut butter should be avoided, and citrus and tropical fruits can also be problematic. Fresh meat should be okay, but I may be ultra-sensitive since I get severe headaches when I increase animal protein in my diet.

I’ve started on a more complete low-tyramine diet downloaded from the National Headache Foundation. It’s only been a few days, but it seems to be helping. It’s not addressing all my symptoms, but I have more medical procedures and blood work planned that might solve further mysteries.

It’s been a rough year (the last 12 months), but I’ve had plenty of opportunities to practice self-kindness. I hope some of my adopted practices can help you, too.

Above all else, remember you are valuable because you exist. You don’t have to do anything to earn your worth.

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Until Next Time

My latest motto, “slow and steady,” continues to apply. I get impatient now and then, but I know I’ll get to the next important thing when the time is right and my body is ready.

Thank you for reading and supporting my work. I’m so grateful for your presence!

Much love and best wishes to you, always.

xo Sandra

P. S. You might also like Why You Need to Give Yourself Unconditional Grace

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