Why You Need to Give Yourself Unconditional Grace

If you don't, who will?

Photo by RDNE Stock Project on Pexels

Aloha Lovelies,

I just made it through a severe bout of nausea and abdominal pain. Those symptoms of  Hereditary Alpha Tryptasemia (HaT) are due to an unusual type of small intestine inflammation.

Between 2004 and 2009, I shrunk to 84 pounds. Not a single medical professional could offer a diagnosis. It was long before HaT was officially recognized in 2016.

I gradually got back to a healthy weight. Since then, I’ve been on a restricted diet to not disturb the sleeping monsters within.

I haven’t had severe symptoms again—until now.

A week-long course of antibiotics might have caused my current digestive downfall, or it might have been a reaction to the probiotics I took to counteract their negative impact.

Suddenly, eating (anything) caused nausea and abdominal pain. The distress could last all night long.

What did I do? I gave myself grace.

We need to give ourselves more grace

I’ve always been the person who worked regardless of illness.

A coworker once exploded and expressed her disdain for my driven approach. I couldn’t metabolize her criticism. My identity and my value as a human being were entwined with my work. And in practice, I couldn’t stop pushing myself whatever anyone else said.

Eventually, my stressed-out workstyle burned me out.  It likely caused the severe physical symptoms I experienced in 2004.

I wish I could say I’ve miraculously changed. I wish I could say I’ve wholly embraced a slower pace in place of crazed living. 

I have changed. I have relaxed more. But my ingenious inner driver persists. She still pushes me to do more when it’s neither helpful nor necessary.

As you can imagine, I felt proud when I gave myself grace this time and delighted when I resisted the pull to do more. 

The many ways we can give ourselves grace

This new round of digestive distress initially sparked anxiety. Was this a rerun of 2004? What if the pain went unresolved? Would I again lose radical amounts of weight?

I felt tempted to ruminate on those questions. But I knew indulging in fearful thoughts would only set off more anxiety. 

Instead, I gave myself grace by cutting off those harmful and useless thoughts.

I told myself, this isn’t 2009. It’s 2024. I have knowledge about my condition and resources to access. There may not be a magical solution, but I wasn’t in a dire position yet.

I decided to eat lightly for a few days and give my body a chance to heal.

Equally important, I allowed myself to do very little for a week. My body needed rest to heal. I honored that requirement, again willing to give myself grace.

The downtime nourished me. It also gave me space to reflect on which life activities bring me stress and which bring me joy.

I thought deeply about a situation that repeatedly frustrates me. I imagined what it would be like to shift my attitude towards it, to do less of it, or even to let it go.

I began to believe wholeheartedly that I deserved joy, not unnecessary stress.

Giving myself grace benefited me on so many levels. 

I understand if you have doubts about giving yourself grace. It may feel like every square inch of your life is overtaken by demands. You may feel like there’s no space left for you.

But there’s another way to give yourself grace that won’t take a week or even an hour. Let’s look at tiny pleasures.

Tiny pleasures for busy people

The secret is to sprinkle tiny pleasures throughout your day.

Tiny pleasures release feel-good brain chemicals called endorphins and also reduce stress hormones.

Just one caveat applies. The dose must be appropriate for tiny pleasures to be effective and healthy.

For example, savoring a small piece of chocolate can be a tiny pleasure, but eating an entire bar can evoke stress-inducing guilt and negative self-talk.

Here are three of my favorite tiny pleasures:

• Mindfully drinking a cup of green tea each morning — enjoying the taste, the warmth of the cup in my hands, and the calming effect of a routine.

• Listening to the sounds of nature outside my window. I especially love the symphony of coqui frogs that puts me to sleep on cooler nights.

• Feeling nourished by silence during my morning meditation each day.

You’ll find more tiny pleasures in my e-letter: Tiny Pleasures and the Light-Hearted Way.

Try out tiny pleasures, and let me know how they work for you.

Use grace to counteract stress

The adverse effects of stress are well established, though sadly, we tend to shrug them off.

Here are a few possible effects of stress from the Mayo Clinic:

• Headaches

• Fatigue

• Muscle pain

• Sleep problems

• Anxiety

• Depression

• Drug or alcohol use

• Overeating and under-eating

Untreated stress can also lead to significant health problems like high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, and diabetes.

Giving ourselves grace is one way to reduce stress and its negative impacts.

If you think you don’t have time and space for grace, consider all the time you’ll lose if stress takes you into a downward health spiral.

You not only deserve grace, you need it. Grace is essential to your well-being. If you don’t give yourself unconditional grace, who will?

Reflection:

Are you giving yourself enough grace? If not, what holds you back? How could you add a little more grace to your life?

I would love to hear your thoughts. Please share in the comments.

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Until Next Time

My gut issues gradually resolved after giving myself grace for about a week. I’m so grateful to be well again.

Thanks for reading. It means so much to me. Much love and best wishes to you, always.

xo Sandra

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I send a new Wild Arisings message every other week on Friday and a top article from my archive on alternate weeks. If you’d like to receive my personal messages and self-development articles, join the 3,800 other beautiful souls who can’t wait for the next one and become a paid or free subscriber.

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