“They can nourish and support my well-being and happiness rather than stress me out or make me feel inadequate.”
That’s such a simple sentence, and yet it feels like it undoes an entire cultural religion. The religion of productivity-as-worth. The idea that a goal has to hurt a little to be real.
I found myself thinking, what if goals were more like tending a garden than building a monument? Something alive, responsive, seasonal. Some days you water, some days you just notice what’s already growing.
Alex, you have such an amazing way of putting things! I love the thought of undoing a cultural religion and the belief that goals have to hurt to be real. I'm with you! Let's relax and tend our gardens in a gentle yet responsive way. Thank you, as always.
Sandra, soft goals feel like a kinder contract with yourself, especially after a tough season. There’s real wisdom in choosing steadiness over pressure. Sometimes healing starts with smaller, gentler promises.
Reading this letter, I could feel your tension lessen with each paragraph. I’m so happy you are lessening the expectations you place upon yourself. Sometimes I was tired just keeping up with all you were doing. 😉Physical Therapy is not for everyone; I do hope it works for you. It caused me further pain and problems, so I just do my own stretching and mobility exercises now.
I’ve been practicing simple abundance for some time and it recently lead me to “hygge”. I’ve enjoyed exploring articles on the subject and thought you might too. Pronouncing it took practice, but I’ve got it now. Always wishing you the best Sandra
What does hygge mean?
Hygge is as Danish as æbleskiver and it goes far in illuminating the Danish soul. In essence, hygge means creating a warm atmosphere and enjoying the good things in life with good people. The warm glow of candlelight is hygge. Cosying up with a loved one for a movie – that’s hygge, too. And there's nothing more hygge than sitting around with friends and family, discussing the big and small things in life. Perhaps hygge explains why the Danes are some of the happiest people in the world.
Kat, thank you for your support. It may have seemed like I was doing a lot, but it was less than what I've done in previous years. But it's that time in my life when it's appropriate to do less and ponder more!
I've had mixed results with PT, depending upon the therapist. It's working miracles for me right now. I love the idea of "hygee," too! Especially right now when it's rainy and chilly. It feels like the perfect time to get cozy.
I really loved this, Sandra, and it came at a time when I needed to see these ideas in print, not just rattling around in my head. i've been on the path of Soft Goals or "Gentle" as Courtney Carver titled her recent book, for several years. I've been very consciously simplifying my life, making some dramatic changes and a lot of small ones. I'd like to say I've landed where I need to be, but in truth, it's a path I'm traveling, not the end of this particular journey.I may be overdue for a new astrology reading. The turmoil I have been experiencing in my physical, mental and emotional lives seems to mirror that of other people in my personal life and a number of the authors and and public figures I follow. And I'm intrigued by the fact that so many of us are simultaneously coming to the same conclusions, and making similar changes in how we intend to live this year and moving forward. I admire your willingness to step back and do less, write less, produce less. And I will look forward to your future musings, whenever they appear and with whatever frequency feels right for you. Thank you once again for articulating my philosophy for 2026.
Joelle, I love that we are walking a similar path and can mirror it for one another. There are so many big astrological changes occurring this year, which were seeded last year. It makes sense to me that you see similar changes happening in the people around you. I think you're wise to see this as a path and not a final destination. I hope the changes I'm making will make my writing even more relevant and meaningful. I try to be consistent, whatever my writing schedule is, and I'm planning to release messages and articles twice a month. Thanks for sharing how you're embracing soft goals too. I'm excited for you! I haven't seen Courtney Carver's recent book, but I will give it a look. I used to connect with her regularly in my earlier blogging years.
This is such a lovely idea, Sandra. I particularly love how you illustrate with some of the things you'll do and some f the things you're letting go (other blogs and pressure to publish etc). I'm not sure how well this would work for me now but I have a hunch it will work really well when I'm done with a few or the larger things I'm working on now. I've never been much of a New Year resolution sort. I do't know if you know the slight edge by Jeff Olson, but that's something that may fit with some of your readers. The motto is, "Just as easy to do, just as easy not to do." I use it when I break things down to get them done. Loved this piece. It's so helpful! 🙏🏻
Mark, I'm so glad you liked the piece and that it's an idea you can keep in your back pocket after you finish a few of your current projects. We don't necessarily need soft goals all the time, but they can be perfect during different seasons of our lives. Thanks for mentioning Jeff Olson. I'll check him out. Thanks so much for your presence!
Soft goals totally resonate with me, Sandra. I have never embraced New Year's resolutions - and corporate yearly goals were always a challenge for me. Life changes in an instant and those goals often lose their relevance long before their end date.
Building on your beautiful post, I'd like to add my favorite question from the practice of Appreciative Inquiry: "What is the smallest step I can take right here, right now, that will have the greatest impact." Small steps lead to great change - a gentler way, as you say. 💕
Cathy, I love that question from appreciative inquiry. I will add that to my practice of soft goals. I'm sure others will appreciate this kind question as well. Thank you for sharing it. I love how you have also embraced soft goals in your life! I'm not surprised because you are such a conscious communicator, and that self-awareness has extended to so many areas of your life.
I’m so happy the question resonates with you. And thank you for giving me what just might find its way into my Substack - that I am a conscious communicator. I love that, Sandra - and I do try to take great care of the words I speak and write. ☺️
“They can nourish and support my well-being and happiness rather than stress me out or make me feel inadequate.”
That’s such a simple sentence, and yet it feels like it undoes an entire cultural religion. The religion of productivity-as-worth. The idea that a goal has to hurt a little to be real.
I found myself thinking, what if goals were more like tending a garden than building a monument? Something alive, responsive, seasonal. Some days you water, some days you just notice what’s already growing.
Alex, you have such an amazing way of putting things! I love the thought of undoing a cultural religion and the belief that goals have to hurt to be real. I'm with you! Let's relax and tend our gardens in a gentle yet responsive way. Thank you, as always.
Sandra, soft goals feel like a kinder contract with yourself, especially after a tough season. There’s real wisdom in choosing steadiness over pressure. Sometimes healing starts with smaller, gentler promises.
George, Self-kindness is so important! Thanks for underlining that and how healing can begin with smaller steps. Thank you for being here!
So loving and kind Sandra, thank you x
Gayle!, Thank you! I’m so glad this resonated!
Reading this letter, I could feel your tension lessen with each paragraph. I’m so happy you are lessening the expectations you place upon yourself. Sometimes I was tired just keeping up with all you were doing. 😉Physical Therapy is not for everyone; I do hope it works for you. It caused me further pain and problems, so I just do my own stretching and mobility exercises now.
I’ve been practicing simple abundance for some time and it recently lead me to “hygge”. I’ve enjoyed exploring articles on the subject and thought you might too. Pronouncing it took practice, but I’ve got it now. Always wishing you the best Sandra
What does hygge mean?
Hygge is as Danish as æbleskiver and it goes far in illuminating the Danish soul. In essence, hygge means creating a warm atmosphere and enjoying the good things in life with good people. The warm glow of candlelight is hygge. Cosying up with a loved one for a movie – that’s hygge, too. And there's nothing more hygge than sitting around with friends and family, discussing the big and small things in life. Perhaps hygge explains why the Danes are some of the happiest people in the world.
Kat, thank you for your support. It may have seemed like I was doing a lot, but it was less than what I've done in previous years. But it's that time in my life when it's appropriate to do less and ponder more!
I've had mixed results with PT, depending upon the therapist. It's working miracles for me right now. I love the idea of "hygee," too! Especially right now when it's rainy and chilly. It feels like the perfect time to get cozy.
I really loved this, Sandra, and it came at a time when I needed to see these ideas in print, not just rattling around in my head. i've been on the path of Soft Goals or "Gentle" as Courtney Carver titled her recent book, for several years. I've been very consciously simplifying my life, making some dramatic changes and a lot of small ones. I'd like to say I've landed where I need to be, but in truth, it's a path I'm traveling, not the end of this particular journey.I may be overdue for a new astrology reading. The turmoil I have been experiencing in my physical, mental and emotional lives seems to mirror that of other people in my personal life and a number of the authors and and public figures I follow. And I'm intrigued by the fact that so many of us are simultaneously coming to the same conclusions, and making similar changes in how we intend to live this year and moving forward. I admire your willingness to step back and do less, write less, produce less. And I will look forward to your future musings, whenever they appear and with whatever frequency feels right for you. Thank you once again for articulating my philosophy for 2026.
Joelle, I love that we are walking a similar path and can mirror it for one another. There are so many big astrological changes occurring this year, which were seeded last year. It makes sense to me that you see similar changes happening in the people around you. I think you're wise to see this as a path and not a final destination. I hope the changes I'm making will make my writing even more relevant and meaningful. I try to be consistent, whatever my writing schedule is, and I'm planning to release messages and articles twice a month. Thanks for sharing how you're embracing soft goals too. I'm excited for you! I haven't seen Courtney Carver's recent book, but I will give it a look. I used to connect with her regularly in my earlier blogging years.
This is such a lovely idea, Sandra. I particularly love how you illustrate with some of the things you'll do and some f the things you're letting go (other blogs and pressure to publish etc). I'm not sure how well this would work for me now but I have a hunch it will work really well when I'm done with a few or the larger things I'm working on now. I've never been much of a New Year resolution sort. I do't know if you know the slight edge by Jeff Olson, but that's something that may fit with some of your readers. The motto is, "Just as easy to do, just as easy not to do." I use it when I break things down to get them done. Loved this piece. It's so helpful! 🙏🏻
Mark, I'm so glad you liked the piece and that it's an idea you can keep in your back pocket after you finish a few of your current projects. We don't necessarily need soft goals all the time, but they can be perfect during different seasons of our lives. Thanks for mentioning Jeff Olson. I'll check him out. Thanks so much for your presence!
My absolute pleasure, Sandra. Thank you for the great post.
Soft goals totally resonate with me, Sandra. I have never embraced New Year's resolutions - and corporate yearly goals were always a challenge for me. Life changes in an instant and those goals often lose their relevance long before their end date.
Building on your beautiful post, I'd like to add my favorite question from the practice of Appreciative Inquiry: "What is the smallest step I can take right here, right now, that will have the greatest impact." Small steps lead to great change - a gentler way, as you say. 💕
Cathy, I love that question from appreciative inquiry. I will add that to my practice of soft goals. I'm sure others will appreciate this kind question as well. Thank you for sharing it. I love how you have also embraced soft goals in your life! I'm not surprised because you are such a conscious communicator, and that self-awareness has extended to so many areas of your life.
I’m so happy the question resonates with you. And thank you for giving me what just might find its way into my Substack - that I am a conscious communicator. I love that, Sandra - and I do try to take great care of the words I speak and write. ☺️