The Ups and Downs of Life
How to accept and move through them
Aloha Lovelies,
I’ve had so many ups and downs since I last wrote to you.
Last week, I discovered termite droppings in one of my kitchen cabinets.
Then, it seemed like the man who maintains my yard was about to quit.
Upon working that out with a raise, I noticed the catchment tank overflow pipe had stopped working. The tank was already full. So rain poured down and water spilled non-stop over one side, gradually eroding the soil beneath the tank.
I jury rigged a tarp set-up to divert at least a big part of the water away from the tank. I got fully drenched in the process, twice.
It felt like my world was falling apart—termites eating my house, the catchment tank dysfunctional, and a primary resource possibly might leave me.
To be honest, I didn’t do well in the moment.
Just the thought my gardener might leave triggered my abandonment issues as irrational as that might sound. My wise adult was no where to be found, while my scared and hurt inner child went nuts.
She felt the need to cry and moan and groan and did so off and on for the rest of the day. As soon as I would start to feel okay for a few moments, the overwhelm and tears would hit me hard once again.
The next morning, I asked myself, “Did that really help? You just ended up with a stuffy nose, headache, and feel yucky today. Were any emotions processed at all?”
But I couldn’t seem to stop the downhill slide that day. So I won’t judge myself.
But it was a new day. So I grabbed my journal and made a list of six messages or lessons from the combined experiences like, “I need to pay more attention to the physical environment.”
I wasn’t able to avert the emotional upheaval, but at least I could learn from what had transpired and hopefully apply the lessons in the future.
This week was full but the emotional tone was completely different.
I had two medical appointments that require an hour-long round trip and a termite spot treatment on another day. I gave myself time to relax on each of those days so I wouldn’t spin into overwhelm.
I also encouraged myself. And I praised myself for jobs well done.
I had a dream early this morning that an attractive man was helping me look for a new apartment. He gave me a fabulous shoulder rub too. All the time, he exuded kindness, warmth, and caring.
When I woke up, I realized I’d been the one taking good care of myself this week. The kind man in my dream represented my own inner caretaker, who I seemed to be consciously meeting for the first time. I expressed agency in my dream and in real life by treating myself in kind ways that reduced my suffering.
I had an experience the prior week too, when I heard a different set of news that challenged my inner hurt girl. As the emotions began to spontaneously rise in response to the news, another part of me thought, “Maybe I could just drop these emotions, this conditioned response.” It strangely seem it might be possible.
The emotions won, but they weren’t as strong as in the past and they moved through me relatively fast.
I see clearly these are conditioned responses I may have adopted as survival strategies as a child. But my hurt parts have kept me in a loop of self-made suffering as an adult when it’s no longer necessary or helpful.
It’s not easy to change conditioned responses you’ve held for a lifetime. I see the key (for me) is to strengthen my inner caretaker so the hurt parts can relax and be healed.
Chances are, I’ll fall apart again when big events conspire to overwhelm me at the same time. But I think I’ll fall apart a little less and then a little less.
Whatever struggles you’re up against, I wish the same for you.
“There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in.”―Leonard Cohen
I would love to hear your thoughts and how you handle overwhelm. Please share with me in the comments.
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Until Next Time
I realize the kinds of emotional challenges I speak of in this e-letter can be considered first-word problems and are surely overshadowed by the intense impacts of climate change now experienced by people across the world as well.
But emotional patterns influence our lives on every level. They can lead us into war, conflict, and cruelty—big and small scale. When we heal our emotional patterns, we lead happier lives and are better equipped to contribute to the world in positive ways. It’s an important part of the whole picture, I feel.
Thanks for reading. It means a lot to me!
Much love to you. Wishing you well, always.
xo Sandra
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I am right there with you, Sandra, when things happen to the house and also when things upset life as I am used to living it. I am not good with change even though try to talk myself through it. I know it is the biggest part of life and I keep trying to adjust and be ok with whatever it different. But I am not good at adapting to change, either good or bad change :)
I love that you dreamed of your inner caretaker! WOW! That just goes to show you that something inside you was paying attention to how your were doing self-care and made it into a dream!
I guess I get through the hard things by remembering that I have gotten through many other hard things and am just fine now. That always seems to put everything into perspective after I settle down enough to notice that! Both of us a very sensitive and that makes everything seem harder, bigger and worse! :) Sending you love! <3
Hi Sandra, Here is what I learned from Lara Riggio about how to turn my frowns upside down. It really has worked for me to do this when I am upset, and to keep doing it as I focus on the outcome I want instead. Here is the link: https://larariggio.com/2023/06/13/how-to-tap-out-negative-thoughts-and-focus-your-energy-on-what-you-want-instead-2/
Hope this helps.
Love, Yvonne