My anger issues broke me; I got to the point where I was miserable. We each have to take a good long hard look at not only the anger but the “triggers”. I’ve slowly learned to let go of what I thought I should be/do for the sake of others and tend to myself. Authenticity is my mantra. Although I’ll never be soft and soft spoken, I’ll never allow rage to exist inside me.
KatSC, I’m inspired by how you’ve transformed anger in your life. You’ve brought up an excellent point that we need to examine our triggers as well. I don’t expect people to be soft or soft spoken. I prefer that they be straightforward. Thanks for your support.
I particularly resonated with your discussion on developing biological self-awareness as a foundation for working with anger. You wrote, "As you develop this biological self-awareness and ability to act on your impulses, you’ll gradually start to hear the whispers of your emotions and sensations too, some of which may have been hidden for years. You’ll begin to listen to the rumblings of anger early on before it becomes explosive." This really struck me. It’s a beautifully concise way of explaining how truly listening to our bodies can unlock a deeper understanding of our emotional states.
It's an empowering thought, that the key to managing our anger, or any emotion for that matter, might lie in something as simple, yet profound, as tuning into the everyday urges our bodies communicate. For years, I approached emotions with a purely psychological lens, dissecting thoughts and beliefs. But the idea that responding to a cough or hunger can actually build the capacity to respond to the subtler whispers of anger is a game-changer. It makes the abstract concept of emotional regulation feel wonderfully tangible and accessible.
Alexander, this idea was entirely new to me as well when I came to Irene Lyon's work. It makes sense to me now because it's working in my life, which has encouraged me to do more somatic work. It's also part of feeling our aliveness! I don't think that there's a single right way for anyone when it comes to therapy. Dissecting thoughts and beliefs can be beneficial, too, or a perfect prelude to somatic work. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate you.
Tx Again for listening Sandra...but I apologize..that was a lot to plop on your plate...
but before I go.... I want to share with you about this book I`m reading at the moment ... that you might relate to.. ( if I haven`t already ) called The Long Road Home : One`s Woman`s True Story... by Alesa Teague
( lots of working through trauma ..very real & messy
This past week has been fraught with irritations especially at work. But I got a couple of unexpected hateful responses to a Yahoo article about the Hurricane Helene clean-up where I live, so I posted several comments expressing what I thought about the two AH posters and I wasn't friendly. Yahoo is bad about censoring comments.
I'm still trying to figure out what I should do about work though.
That sounds tough, Diane. There are too many trolls on the internet. Wishing you the best as you navigate this situation and determine the best course of action regarding your work. I hope next week will be sweeter for you.
Thank you, Sandra! Trolls will be trolls! I have gone part-time at work which has been helping some, but there is always some drama going on...it's the nature of the beast. I hope next week will be sweeter, too, for the both of us!
I've been doing a class on life initiations and this week's class was on initiations into mid-life. One thing the teacher brought up was about anger and the willingness to stand up for what we believe in. My initial response was "I don't like conflict."
But as the class continued I realized that I do have a very bad ass warrior in me and she gets very angry in a good way when she perceives what is unjust and unkind.
This is a different type of anger than what you're describing. But it is an example of anger when it's genuinely good medicine. I think a large part of our human experience is to fully feel and experience all that makes us human which includes all emotions: those that feel good and those that do not feel good. I think if anger, sadness, and fear were not useful we wouldn't feel them.
The interesting question is always what do we DO with our emotions. Do we use them to grow our human capacity or do we stay stuck?
Judy, your responses are always so insightful and a teaching in themselves. It's made me think that this might be a good topic for you to cover, because feeling anger toward a client must be a significant challenge for small business owners. I think many of us shy away from conflict because doing so is so culturally conditioned in women. I love hearing that you are a bad ass warrior when it comes to injustice, and that it's a clean type of anger that amounts to good medicine rather than unhealthy aggression. What do we DO with our emotions is the big question indeed. They tend to get us in trouble either through suppressing or indulging, but I agree with you. We can use them to grow!
I don't often feel angry with clients. Frustrated sometimes but part of being a coach is about fully receiving clients exactly where they are. I trust my client is wherever they need to be. If it feels like it's about me that's an issue for me to look at.
I guess this goes for friends and family as well.
That warrior anger comes up more when I see people in leadership behaving badly and being intentionally cruel. This behavior literally hurts my heart. I think a lot about what kind of effective action can I take. Sometimes it comes down to my own self care so that when the opportunities come to take action I'm in a clear, resourced place to do so.
Judy, I never imagined you would get angry with clients. Sorry if I gave the wrong impression. I just imagine that might be a challenging area for many small business owners. I know when I worked as a freelance writer, it could be tricky navigating some of the demands and expectations. I feel the same way about cruelty—it hurts my heart.
Wow Sandra ....that was an amazing story... I can relate to the anger...and trying to find better ways to release it now ..I mean we survived the best we could... right.... but those survival skills don`t work anymore -- if fact they work against us..both me & my sister both have explosive anger --we learned that from our Dad and then Mom taught us how to repress it by not allowing us to talk about it.. keep the peace at all cost -- and that`s how they survived ..but what a price they paid and.... where did all that get us ??? ( and it wasn`t anger --it was hurt..turned inside out ..)..Mom died from depression .....my sister is a perfectionist along with an eating disorder + and I developed 2 auto immune disease....along plenty of addictions which I been very fortunate to deal with ... --
It really all came to a head when my best friend just recently ended our friendship again after a 5 yr break ... because of my anger / control issues -- so even though I lost her friendship again..I gained something much more valuable --a really good look at myself...
So ya... on going for sure.......and don`t get me wrong...I lov my parents..both are gone now..but I am living in their house....mortgage free.. and my Dad is still paying the bills -- that`s how well I was taken care of ...
Boundaries are BIG ones for sure....I don`t always know to trust what it feel like when someone crosses them....or when I am crossing someone else`s.... what to do when that happens -- how to handle that ....we don`t always trust our instincts -- fight or flight is still strong -- the first to show up in the ring -- have to learn how to override that old programming ...
anyhow...this is quite the subject -- I am glad you bought it up,...but I best go get ready for the day : )) Tx Sandra ..
Brenda, my heart is with you! You've been through so much. And it's not easy dealing with explosive anger. I'm sorry you lost your friend, but how wise to see that as an opportunity to keep working on yourself. I know I always felt so bad about myself when my anger would flare up in response to a trigger. I wanted to control it, but, as you say, the psyche is complex, and we have our instincts, fight-or-flight responses to contend with, as well as bottled-up emotions that need to be released. I've learned to be more peaceful, but it hasn't been easy. This approach of learning to be in touch with my bodily impulses and gradually my emotions before they're gigantic and overwhelming has helped a lot.
Learning to set healthy boundaries is a lifelong process for most of us. You've pointed out the key: learning to sense when our boundaries have been crossed. Wishing you the very best with this. Thanks for sharing so honestly and vulnerably.
I can tell you really heard all that I said and I`d apologize for some of the content..
but again.. that`s my lack of boundaries that I haven`t quite figured out yet and that`s usually when they start leaving the room.... I remember that time my boyfriend`s sister ..after a family supper ..his family.... told him..I belonged in a psyc hospital..oh maybe she was right..but it doesn`t matter anymore
Just to add a little bit more about loosing my friend.. ( now that I opened up that door ) .went through a very dark night of the soul to wake up with that understanding... at first... I could only see RED...because we had just found each other again and had just starting communicating last couple months.... so to end up thanking her....instead of freaking out...was healing
But I find... if I can just sit with pain ( without indulging in addictions..and I`m not talking about the old ones ...I got new ones now too ) can usually resolve or let pass by... the thing is to just sit with `em & feel `em...and I`m really feelin it these last couple days ..cause I lost my fur baby..she hasn`t come home for 4 days ....and I really hate thinking about what could of happened to her : (((
But ya ....you`re right..doesn`t do any good to implode ( inside collateral ) or explode.. ( outside collateral ) the guilt is just so damn HEAVY ....my belief is I`ll be dealing with this stuff for the rest of my Life .pending on how conscious I become of my emotions ..and like you say ..not letting them build up to the point where all it takes is a spark....
My Dad wrote me a letter comparing his feelings to that of a pot of boiling water ..the water being his feelings and they were all boiled out...
Brenda, I can only imagine how difficult it must have been to lose your friend after recently getting her back. I think your approach is a brilliant way to work with difficult emotions if you can manage it. So sorry to hear about your fur baby. I would be in a tizzy myself. I hope she comes home soon. Love, Sandra
What a period of growth you have been going through, Sandra! I hope your revelation while meditating proves to be a deep-seated truth. You have worked hard to be free. ❣️
In answer to your question, I grew up on the receiving end of anger and knew how hurtful and destructive it was for me. I would not let myself feel anger - neither in an outburst nor in a longer burning response. Ultimately, I learned to make peace with the emotion of anger and to express it productively when it was warranted.
I'm sorry you were on the receiving end of anger growing up. I'm inspired by how you've transcended all the hurt and pain and have become an advocate for the art of healthy and joyful communication.
Thank you for seeing me and acknowledging this intense period of growth opportunities. I also hope my revelation sticks! When I had a tough night a few nights ago, I kept repeating my current mantra, "I deserve peace." I think it represents a critical shift for me—this sense that I no longer want to hold the trauma in my body.
Wow. Long, well thought descriptive outlook.
I can see where we are similar…
My anger issues broke me; I got to the point where I was miserable. We each have to take a good long hard look at not only the anger but the “triggers”. I’ve slowly learned to let go of what I thought I should be/do for the sake of others and tend to myself. Authenticity is my mantra. Although I’ll never be soft and soft spoken, I’ll never allow rage to exist inside me.
Easy living. That’s my goal.
Prayers up Sandra!
KatSC, I’m inspired by how you’ve transformed anger in your life. You’ve brought up an excellent point that we need to examine our triggers as well. I don’t expect people to be soft or soft spoken. I prefer that they be straightforward. Thanks for your support.
I particularly resonated with your discussion on developing biological self-awareness as a foundation for working with anger. You wrote, "As you develop this biological self-awareness and ability to act on your impulses, you’ll gradually start to hear the whispers of your emotions and sensations too, some of which may have been hidden for years. You’ll begin to listen to the rumblings of anger early on before it becomes explosive." This really struck me. It’s a beautifully concise way of explaining how truly listening to our bodies can unlock a deeper understanding of our emotional states.
It's an empowering thought, that the key to managing our anger, or any emotion for that matter, might lie in something as simple, yet profound, as tuning into the everyday urges our bodies communicate. For years, I approached emotions with a purely psychological lens, dissecting thoughts and beliefs. But the idea that responding to a cough or hunger can actually build the capacity to respond to the subtler whispers of anger is a game-changer. It makes the abstract concept of emotional regulation feel wonderfully tangible and accessible.
Alexander, this idea was entirely new to me as well when I came to Irene Lyon's work. It makes sense to me now because it's working in my life, which has encouraged me to do more somatic work. It's also part of feeling our aliveness! I don't think that there's a single right way for anyone when it comes to therapy. Dissecting thoughts and beliefs can be beneficial, too, or a perfect prelude to somatic work. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate you.
Tx Again for listening Sandra...but I apologize..that was a lot to plop on your plate...
but before I go.... I want to share with you about this book I`m reading at the moment ... that you might relate to.. ( if I haven`t already ) called The Long Road Home : One`s Woman`s True Story... by Alesa Teague
( lots of working through trauma ..very real & messy
https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/71uAPQr4oAL._SY522_.jpg
Looks interesting, Brenda! Thanks for sharing.
This past week has been fraught with irritations especially at work. But I got a couple of unexpected hateful responses to a Yahoo article about the Hurricane Helene clean-up where I live, so I posted several comments expressing what I thought about the two AH posters and I wasn't friendly. Yahoo is bad about censoring comments.
I'm still trying to figure out what I should do about work though.
That sounds tough, Diane. There are too many trolls on the internet. Wishing you the best as you navigate this situation and determine the best course of action regarding your work. I hope next week will be sweeter for you.
Thank you, Sandra! Trolls will be trolls! I have gone part-time at work which has been helping some, but there is always some drama going on...it's the nature of the beast. I hope next week will be sweeter, too, for the both of us!
I've been doing a class on life initiations and this week's class was on initiations into mid-life. One thing the teacher brought up was about anger and the willingness to stand up for what we believe in. My initial response was "I don't like conflict."
But as the class continued I realized that I do have a very bad ass warrior in me and she gets very angry in a good way when she perceives what is unjust and unkind.
This is a different type of anger than what you're describing. But it is an example of anger when it's genuinely good medicine. I think a large part of our human experience is to fully feel and experience all that makes us human which includes all emotions: those that feel good and those that do not feel good. I think if anger, sadness, and fear were not useful we wouldn't feel them.
The interesting question is always what do we DO with our emotions. Do we use them to grow our human capacity or do we stay stuck?
Judy, your responses are always so insightful and a teaching in themselves. It's made me think that this might be a good topic for you to cover, because feeling anger toward a client must be a significant challenge for small business owners. I think many of us shy away from conflict because doing so is so culturally conditioned in women. I love hearing that you are a bad ass warrior when it comes to injustice, and that it's a clean type of anger that amounts to good medicine rather than unhealthy aggression. What do we DO with our emotions is the big question indeed. They tend to get us in trouble either through suppressing or indulging, but I agree with you. We can use them to grow!
Thank you for your kind words, Sandra.
I don't often feel angry with clients. Frustrated sometimes but part of being a coach is about fully receiving clients exactly where they are. I trust my client is wherever they need to be. If it feels like it's about me that's an issue for me to look at.
I guess this goes for friends and family as well.
That warrior anger comes up more when I see people in leadership behaving badly and being intentionally cruel. This behavior literally hurts my heart. I think a lot about what kind of effective action can I take. Sometimes it comes down to my own self care so that when the opportunities come to take action I'm in a clear, resourced place to do so.
Judy, I never imagined you would get angry with clients. Sorry if I gave the wrong impression. I just imagine that might be a challenging area for many small business owners. I know when I worked as a freelance writer, it could be tricky navigating some of the demands and expectations. I feel the same way about cruelty—it hurts my heart.
All good on my end.
Wow Sandra ....that was an amazing story... I can relate to the anger...and trying to find better ways to release it now ..I mean we survived the best we could... right.... but those survival skills don`t work anymore -- if fact they work against us..both me & my sister both have explosive anger --we learned that from our Dad and then Mom taught us how to repress it by not allowing us to talk about it.. keep the peace at all cost -- and that`s how they survived ..but what a price they paid and.... where did all that get us ??? ( and it wasn`t anger --it was hurt..turned inside out ..)..Mom died from depression .....my sister is a perfectionist along with an eating disorder + and I developed 2 auto immune disease....along plenty of addictions which I been very fortunate to deal with ... --
It really all came to a head when my best friend just recently ended our friendship again after a 5 yr break ... because of my anger / control issues -- so even though I lost her friendship again..I gained something much more valuable --a really good look at myself...
So ya... on going for sure.......and don`t get me wrong...I lov my parents..both are gone now..but I am living in their house....mortgage free.. and my Dad is still paying the bills -- that`s how well I was taken care of ...
Boundaries are BIG ones for sure....I don`t always know to trust what it feel like when someone crosses them....or when I am crossing someone else`s.... what to do when that happens -- how to handle that ....we don`t always trust our instincts -- fight or flight is still strong -- the first to show up in the ring -- have to learn how to override that old programming ...
anyhow...this is quite the subject -- I am glad you bought it up,...but I best go get ready for the day : )) Tx Sandra ..
Brenda, my heart is with you! You've been through so much. And it's not easy dealing with explosive anger. I'm sorry you lost your friend, but how wise to see that as an opportunity to keep working on yourself. I know I always felt so bad about myself when my anger would flare up in response to a trigger. I wanted to control it, but, as you say, the psyche is complex, and we have our instincts, fight-or-flight responses to contend with, as well as bottled-up emotions that need to be released. I've learned to be more peaceful, but it hasn't been easy. This approach of learning to be in touch with my bodily impulses and gradually my emotions before they're gigantic and overwhelming has helped a lot.
Learning to set healthy boundaries is a lifelong process for most of us. You've pointed out the key: learning to sense when our boundaries have been crossed. Wishing you the very best with this. Thanks for sharing so honestly and vulnerably.
Appreciate your words & understanding Sandra ...
I can tell you really heard all that I said and I`d apologize for some of the content..
but again.. that`s my lack of boundaries that I haven`t quite figured out yet and that`s usually when they start leaving the room.... I remember that time my boyfriend`s sister ..after a family supper ..his family.... told him..I belonged in a psyc hospital..oh maybe she was right..but it doesn`t matter anymore
Just to add a little bit more about loosing my friend.. ( now that I opened up that door ) .went through a very dark night of the soul to wake up with that understanding... at first... I could only see RED...because we had just found each other again and had just starting communicating last couple months.... so to end up thanking her....instead of freaking out...was healing
But I find... if I can just sit with pain ( without indulging in addictions..and I`m not talking about the old ones ...I got new ones now too ) can usually resolve or let pass by... the thing is to just sit with `em & feel `em...and I`m really feelin it these last couple days ..cause I lost my fur baby..she hasn`t come home for 4 days ....and I really hate thinking about what could of happened to her : (((
But ya ....you`re right..doesn`t do any good to implode ( inside collateral ) or explode.. ( outside collateral ) the guilt is just so damn HEAVY ....my belief is I`ll be dealing with this stuff for the rest of my Life .pending on how conscious I become of my emotions ..and like you say ..not letting them build up to the point where all it takes is a spark....
My Dad wrote me a letter comparing his feelings to that of a pot of boiling water ..the water being his feelings and they were all boiled out...
Brenda, I can only imagine how difficult it must have been to lose your friend after recently getting her back. I think your approach is a brilliant way to work with difficult emotions if you can manage it. So sorry to hear about your fur baby. I would be in a tizzy myself. I hope she comes home soon. Love, Sandra
I didn`t see these replies till today… Tx Sandra..
How is everything over there… I heard news about earthquake from Russia maybe causing a possible tsunami
Brenda, all is well! Fortunately, there were no significant waves that impacted Hawaii. Have a great day!
What a period of growth you have been going through, Sandra! I hope your revelation while meditating proves to be a deep-seated truth. You have worked hard to be free. ❣️
In answer to your question, I grew up on the receiving end of anger and knew how hurtful and destructive it was for me. I would not let myself feel anger - neither in an outburst nor in a longer burning response. Ultimately, I learned to make peace with the emotion of anger and to express it productively when it was warranted.
Cathy,
I'm sorry you were on the receiving end of anger growing up. I'm inspired by how you've transcended all the hurt and pain and have become an advocate for the art of healthy and joyful communication.
Thank you for seeing me and acknowledging this intense period of growth opportunities. I also hope my revelation sticks! When I had a tough night a few nights ago, I kept repeating my current mantra, "I deserve peace." I think it represents a critical shift for me—this sense that I no longer want to hold the trauma in my body.
“I deserve peace” - how beautiful!! 💝