Nancy, I agree, it can be challenging to stop thanking things personally. But little by little, I think we can make progress. I have. Wishing you the best.
Justin, That’s true; sometimes it is. I still fare better if I don’t take it personally in the sense of reacting with out-of-control emotions. Then, I can make better choices from a sense of clarity. I can choose not to be around a person who attacks others.
This came to me at the perfect time; wracking my brain trying to understand why someone I care about ghosted me. Was it my fault? Or did someone else say something to him? It is painful, it hurts and maybe I will never know the reason. But learning to not take it personally sounds like the right way to deal with this situation. Like your therapist said maybe it isn’t about me. 💙
Grace, I'm so glad for the synchronicity and that reading this might soften some of the pain you feel from being ghosted. I'm so sorry that happened to you. Wishing you healing and moving forward with positive self-esteem.
I love your share here, Sandra. Isn't it ironic how some of the most painful moments of our lives are the ones that create the biggest shifts? The phrase : 'It's not all about you, Sandra' has remained as a powerful mantra that you can call upon when the ego gets out of control or overwhelmed. Hope you allow us ALL to borrow this mantra LOL 💫
The Four Agreements is the book I used to gift to my patients when I began my work as a Soul Surgeon in my Wellness Center. To this day I carry a few extra copies in my car and gift them when I meet someone in deep conversation at Starbucks, or on a park bench.
What a different world we would live in if people would understand these Four Agreements, especially : don't take things personally.
Tamy, It is a strange irony and not just because it was a painful moment, but because it was an abusive moment. I'm glad I had enough self-respect and the inner strength to get up a leave that therapist in that moment.
You are so generous to give the Four Agreements away so freely to patients. It's message is so powerful! And I agree, the world would be so different if we took these agreements to heart. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!
Thank you about sharing what Don Miguel Ruiz said about not taking things personally.
I have to admit that it is hard not to take things personally especially when it feels like an attack. However, I have also learned the importance of making the distinction between what seems like a personal attack and what healthy feedback is. I like the idea of committing to change!
Evelyn, I agree; it's not easy to not take things personally. I think it's enormous that you can distinguish between a personal attack and healthy feedback! Congratulations on that. I may never get this agreement 100%, but however far I can go with it, the better for my life and relationships. Thanks for being here and being a part of my life.
Thank you for this, Sandra - it's a lesson I struggle with. Some toxic interactions can spark an angst-filled inner dialogue as I play out what was said, what I should or could have said or done, what was inferred and not said. ARGHH! Brain jumbles. It can take weeks to turn off completely. I appreciate the thoughtful practices you shared here!
Cathy, I feel you. I've always struggled with taking things personally in ways similar to what you describe.These tips have helped me reign in that tendency quite a bit, and I hope they can help you, too. Thanks for sharing your experience.
This quote though, this brought it home for me 🥰 :
"You can’t control how other people receive your energy. Anything you do or say gets filtered through the lens of whatever they are going through at the moment, which is not about you. Just keep doing your thing with as much integrity and love as possible.”
This is an excellent letter Sandra...I`m sure all humanity struggles with ....absolutely.. it`s not selfish when something accidently hits our wounds...& we react...it`s human & .it`s a reflex action..one I`m sure will always come up first ...like a skip in a record..once it`s there..it`s always there ...but we didn`t put the knife wound there..but we can be aware of our reactions and choose a better way to respond ...Thankyou for sharing : )))
Brenda, I love the metaphor. Why would we want to knife ourselves? As you say, these reactions are ingrained, but we can soften them with practice. Thank you, Brenda. I appreciate your presence and continued support!
“What someone says or how they behave may touch your wounds, which is likely why you take it personally.” This line you wrote really got me thinking, Sandra. It’s such a simple, direct statement, but it holds so much truth. It's not just about what’s being said, but where it’s landing within us. It’s like someone poking a bruise; it hurts more because there’s already an underlying injury. This makes me realize that when I feel that sharp sting of taking something personally, it’s less about the other person and more about my own unhealed spaces. It’s a prompt, as you said, to turn inward and focus on healing. It shifts the focus from being a victim of others’ words to being a caretaker of my own heart.
Alexander, you've expressed this so beautifully. I love how you shifted how we see this from a rightful reaction to being a caretaker of my own heart. I appreciate the emphasis you placed on becoming aware of our own unhealed spaces. Who wouldn't want to be the caretaker of our own hearts? It would have made a significant difference in our lives if we had been told this for our early years on! Thank you.
" It’s a prompt, as you said, to turn inward and focus on healing. It shifts the focus from being a victim of others’ words to being a caretaker of my own heart. "
Such great wisdom and truth, thankyou! The book sounds really good, thanks. I will definitely get around to reading it at some point. ☺️
Hayley, Thank you! I hope you enjoy the book.
Thank you!
You’re welcome!
So many helpful tips in this article and the comments! Thank you so much everyone. You’re saving people (me!) a lot of unnecessary angst!
Jennifer, I’m so happy you found this post and the comments helpful. Let’s move forward together!
Thank you. It’s a work-in-progress but a very necessary one. Easier said than done though.
Nancy, I agree, it can be challenging to stop thanking things personally. But little by little, I think we can make progress. I have. Wishing you the best.
Thank you 🤦💯✨
Kyen, So glad this resonates!
Easier said than done. :(
Yes! Absolutely, easier said than done. But if we're committed, we'll see gradual changes over time.
Sometimes it is a personal attack, don't play everyone with this shit
Justin, That’s true; sometimes it is. I still fare better if I don’t take it personally in the sense of reacting with out-of-control emotions. Then, I can make better choices from a sense of clarity. I can choose not to be around a person who attacks others.
Love the 4 agreements. Love all of this. Beautiful writing!
Holly, Thank you so much! Wishing you the best with this challenge. Thanks for stopping by.
This came to me at the perfect time; wracking my brain trying to understand why someone I care about ghosted me. Was it my fault? Or did someone else say something to him? It is painful, it hurts and maybe I will never know the reason. But learning to not take it personally sounds like the right way to deal with this situation. Like your therapist said maybe it isn’t about me. 💙
Grace, I'm so glad for the synchronicity and that reading this might soften some of the pain you feel from being ghosted. I'm so sorry that happened to you. Wishing you healing and moving forward with positive self-esteem.
I love your share here, Sandra. Isn't it ironic how some of the most painful moments of our lives are the ones that create the biggest shifts? The phrase : 'It's not all about you, Sandra' has remained as a powerful mantra that you can call upon when the ego gets out of control or overwhelmed. Hope you allow us ALL to borrow this mantra LOL 💫
The Four Agreements is the book I used to gift to my patients when I began my work as a Soul Surgeon in my Wellness Center. To this day I carry a few extra copies in my car and gift them when I meet someone in deep conversation at Starbucks, or on a park bench.
What a different world we would live in if people would understand these Four Agreements, especially : don't take things personally.
Thank you for this important newsletter.🙏🥰
Tamy, It is a strange irony and not just because it was a painful moment, but because it was an abusive moment. I'm glad I had enough self-respect and the inner strength to get up a leave that therapist in that moment.
You are so generous to give the Four Agreements away so freely to patients. It's message is so powerful! And I agree, the world would be so different if we took these agreements to heart. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!
I’m so happy to know you were able to honor yourself and walk away from an abusive moment.
Presentation is everything, isn’t it? And had the words been said to you with a loving intention and compassion, it might have landed differently.
Thank you about sharing what Don Miguel Ruiz said about not taking things personally.
I have to admit that it is hard not to take things personally especially when it feels like an attack. However, I have also learned the importance of making the distinction between what seems like a personal attack and what healthy feedback is. I like the idea of committing to change!
Evelyn, I agree; it's not easy to not take things personally. I think it's enormous that you can distinguish between a personal attack and healthy feedback! Congratulations on that. I may never get this agreement 100%, but however far I can go with it, the better for my life and relationships. Thanks for being here and being a part of my life.
Thank you for this, Sandra - it's a lesson I struggle with. Some toxic interactions can spark an angst-filled inner dialogue as I play out what was said, what I should or could have said or done, what was inferred and not said. ARGHH! Brain jumbles. It can take weeks to turn off completely. I appreciate the thoughtful practices you shared here!
Cathy, I feel you. I've always struggled with taking things personally in ways similar to what you describe.These tips have helped me reign in that tendency quite a bit, and I hope they can help you, too. Thanks for sharing your experience.
I totally agree that not taking things personally is a skill we can learn. Thank you for emphasizing it because I need the reminder!
Great essay, Sandra!
Don, I need it, too! I've been ultra-sensitive most of my life. I cherish this advice from Don Miguel Ruiz.
I've always loved the Ruiz book.
This quote though, this brought it home for me 🥰 :
"You can’t control how other people receive your energy. Anything you do or say gets filtered through the lens of whatever they are going through at the moment, which is not about you. Just keep doing your thing with as much integrity and love as possible.”
- Nanea Hoffman
Me, too! This powerful quote sums up Agreement Two perfectly. Thank you for sharing it!
This is an excellent letter Sandra...I`m sure all humanity struggles with ....absolutely.. it`s not selfish when something accidently hits our wounds...& we react...it`s human & .it`s a reflex action..one I`m sure will always come up first ...like a skip in a record..once it`s there..it`s always there ...but we didn`t put the knife wound there..but we can be aware of our reactions and choose a better way to respond ...Thankyou for sharing : )))
Brenda, I love the metaphor. Why would we want to knife ourselves? As you say, these reactions are ingrained, but we can soften them with practice. Thank you, Brenda. I appreciate your presence and continued support!
“What someone says or how they behave may touch your wounds, which is likely why you take it personally.” This line you wrote really got me thinking, Sandra. It’s such a simple, direct statement, but it holds so much truth. It's not just about what’s being said, but where it’s landing within us. It’s like someone poking a bruise; it hurts more because there’s already an underlying injury. This makes me realize that when I feel that sharp sting of taking something personally, it’s less about the other person and more about my own unhealed spaces. It’s a prompt, as you said, to turn inward and focus on healing. It shifts the focus from being a victim of others’ words to being a caretaker of my own heart.
Alexander, you've expressed this so beautifully. I love how you shifted how we see this from a rightful reaction to being a caretaker of my own heart. I appreciate the emphasis you placed on becoming aware of our own unhealed spaces. Who wouldn't want to be the caretaker of our own hearts? It would have made a significant difference in our lives if we had been told this for our early years on! Thank you.
" It’s a prompt, as you said, to turn inward and focus on healing. It shifts the focus from being a victim of others’ words to being a caretaker of my own heart. "
I really like that perspective...
no..that was Alexander Lovell that said that -- I was just quoting him...