Wow! Thank you for this beautiful recount of your life! I have been searching for ways to deepen my knowledge of meditation and mindfulness, and I think I may have just found several helpful hints in your article.
Sandra, I knew about the lava taking your house but the other things, also very hard things to go through, I didn't know about. That was very gutsy to go on that 3-year retreat! You have had quite a life!
I wanted to let you know what happened when we put our cat, Hector, to sleep right at the start of the Pandemic. He was a tuxedo cat, very big with a big personality, a strong will and probably an intelligence greater than the two humans who adopted him as a tiny kitten. He had a life-long struggle with bladder stones which I had to be on the lookout for all of the time because they are deadly. He loved being on our laps and trying to eat our food :), especially cantaloupes and watermelon. We spoiled him and he would have had it no other way!
The vet came to the house with a white fluffy blanket and treats and Hector, who had stopped eating and drinking several days before, ate her treats like he was fine even though he was about half of his normal weight. He was on my lap when the sweet vet tried to give him a relaxing shot in his let and he tried to knock the hypodermic needle out of her hand. But she was finally about to get the medicine into his neck, and I felt him go limp. I knew he was gone, and Bill and I were crying when she took him from us and started out of the door. Or tried to! Right as she opened the door, I saw and felt his spirit hop out of her arms and come back into the house, HIS house! I knew exactly what he was thinking---"I am staying in my house with my people! She stabbed him in the leg and is taking me away I am not leaving. " Now, I was not expecting anything like this to happen and was totally shocked. I didn't tell her as she took his lifeless body away, but I did tell Bill, who, thought I was nutz! But I know exactly what I saw and felt and, because it was totally unexpected, I know it happened even it I was the only one to see him. I started to talk to him and tell him how much we loved him and wanted him to stay with us but that we would not be able to see him or hold him or feed him like he was used to and that he loved. I told him that "Grandaddy" (my dad) " would come and get him and take him to live with him until Bill and I could get to see him again. I think that is exactly what happened! I have not felt his presence again and know he is with my dad in the dimension beyond this one.
I share thing with people I think might understand and who might find a little comfort in my experience.
Blessings to you, dear Sandra. I want to start meditating which I have got to set aside time for. It is very hard in this small house where anything that is happening can be heard. I may try the basement which can be relatively quiet. <3
Jean, Thank you for sharing your story about Hector. I'm not surprised! You and Bill had such a strong connection with Hector. In Buddhism, they say the consciousness of the deceased is likely to stay close to where they lived or places they loved after their transition until it's time to move to their new incarnation. I've learned those things, but it's much different to hear a story about it occurring! Thank you! Naturally, his spirit wanted to stay close to you two! I appreciate your sweetly encouraging him to move on with Grandaddy as his guide and protector. You are so caring! It is hard to meditate when there are many distractions around. I hope the basement works well as a meditation spot for you. Much love!
Kat, I'm glad you're taking care of yourself. Losing your dad that way sounds very challenging. I wouldn't be surprised if you're exhausted. Sending you lots of love.
Reading your story my heart went out to you dharma friend. Honestly mine was the same...seriously it mirrored yours. So much suffering huh? So much identity had to drop here...you know the sick body etc. All the shadow work had to come up to be felt as well. Nothing gets left out. My cat died to...grief in the body came up and there was nothing I could do except allow it and this. The body simply cried and felt sad. So much push and pull on life was seen and its now mostly taken a back seat. What is seen now very clearly in this late stage of awakening is how much control this thinks it has...ugh. It's just life happening. In truth this "I" was never in the front seat driving this story at all but in the trunk the whole time. 😆
Gracie, That's a profound realization! Thank you for sharing your story and where it has brought you on your awakening path. I'm inspired that you've been able to move through all the pain and suffering to a place where you see so clearly now. Thank you for your epathy, too. I wish you all the best, always.
Sharing is what this seems to be about even if its for no one...lol..Not sure if you would be interested but the Fetters model from 'Simply the Seen' written by Kevin Schanilec(Buddhist teacher) helped a lot. It's not for everyone though. Also a brilliant book/guide to awakening and probably the best in my humble view is Awake your turn by Dr Angelo Dilluilo. Awakening tools and enquiries without the doctrine. He also has a youtube channel. I was stuck for years in doctrine and practises..the seeking energy was painful. He has helped me and thousands of apparent others have some big insights/shifts for which I am so grateful. He encourages shadow work and feeling the emotion body and doing trauma therapy if it has occured. I want to assure you awakening is possible in this lifetime.
I absolutely adored learning more about your backstory. You've had such an interesting life. That must have been so painful and disorienting to lose your home, marriage, and spiritual footing within such a short span of time. It's awesome that you're devoting yourself more to spiritual practice, coming back home in a way. I'm experiencing a similar full circle experience. On a sidenote, I know what you mean about the bag of bones. Holding my dog Jake after the vet administered the euthanasia drug, and feeling his heavy, lifeless body in my arms was the strangest experience. I thought I'd want an extra moment to say good-bye, but there was nothing to say good-bye to. Our angles will always be in heaven, watching over us. <3
Suzanne, I'm so glad you enjoyed learning more about my backstory. I write about it less on Substack than I have on Medium. Yes, losing so much in a relatively short period was disorienting. We never know what the Universe has in store for us. While it can be challenging to go through dramatic changes, we're constantly pushed towards more growth, which is good in my book despite my resistance. :-) I appreciate how strange it was to hold Jake in your arms and realize he was gone. It is a mind and heart-altering experience. Much love and gratitude to you, Suzanne. I'm thrilled we've reconnected on Susbstack.
I think we always go down memory lane when something changes in our lives...it causes us to go inside and see where were at & where we want to go..and it`s good to write it down..best way to get that "stuff " out ... our creativity that opens the door to our deepest feelings
wow...Sandra... you`ve done a great deal of soul work....I give you so much credit..you`ve also suffered a fair share of heartache....loosing your house... marriage... teachers ... your cat....all confirming that everything is this Life is transient ... even our own bodies will give up the ghost ( soul ) ....but we`ll be alright.. and will finally get to understand why ....
Beautiful essay--you've had quite the journey! May you continue to find ways to connect to your true self!!
And I'm so grateful and honored that you shared my journal prompts. ❤️ Joy to you on your birthday!
Wow! Thank you for this beautiful recount of your life! I have been searching for ways to deepen my knowledge of meditation and mindfulness, and I think I may have just found several helpful hints in your article.
Caterina, I'm happy to hear that! Thank you. I just published a piece on befriending your thoughts in meditation on Medium. Here's the free friend link if you'd like to read it: https://medium.com/the-taoist-online/how-to-befriend-your-thoughts-in-mindfulness-meditation-35394029a380?sk=6e3827ed399ea8fe13ba75119acac6a3
This was so informative! Thank you for sharing it with me. Left many claps :))
I'm so glad! Thanks for letting me know, Caterina.
What a path you have walked, Sandra - and how much you have learned! Thank you for your willingness to share it with us!
Cathy, Thank you for your kind words! Hope all is well with you! Hugs!
Sandra, I knew about the lava taking your house but the other things, also very hard things to go through, I didn't know about. That was very gutsy to go on that 3-year retreat! You have had quite a life!
I wanted to let you know what happened when we put our cat, Hector, to sleep right at the start of the Pandemic. He was a tuxedo cat, very big with a big personality, a strong will and probably an intelligence greater than the two humans who adopted him as a tiny kitten. He had a life-long struggle with bladder stones which I had to be on the lookout for all of the time because they are deadly. He loved being on our laps and trying to eat our food :), especially cantaloupes and watermelon. We spoiled him and he would have had it no other way!
The vet came to the house with a white fluffy blanket and treats and Hector, who had stopped eating and drinking several days before, ate her treats like he was fine even though he was about half of his normal weight. He was on my lap when the sweet vet tried to give him a relaxing shot in his let and he tried to knock the hypodermic needle out of her hand. But she was finally about to get the medicine into his neck, and I felt him go limp. I knew he was gone, and Bill and I were crying when she took him from us and started out of the door. Or tried to! Right as she opened the door, I saw and felt his spirit hop out of her arms and come back into the house, HIS house! I knew exactly what he was thinking---"I am staying in my house with my people! She stabbed him in the leg and is taking me away I am not leaving. " Now, I was not expecting anything like this to happen and was totally shocked. I didn't tell her as she took his lifeless body away, but I did tell Bill, who, thought I was nutz! But I know exactly what I saw and felt and, because it was totally unexpected, I know it happened even it I was the only one to see him. I started to talk to him and tell him how much we loved him and wanted him to stay with us but that we would not be able to see him or hold him or feed him like he was used to and that he loved. I told him that "Grandaddy" (my dad) " would come and get him and take him to live with him until Bill and I could get to see him again. I think that is exactly what happened! I have not felt his presence again and know he is with my dad in the dimension beyond this one.
I share thing with people I think might understand and who might find a little comfort in my experience.
Blessings to you, dear Sandra. I want to start meditating which I have got to set aside time for. It is very hard in this small house where anything that is happening can be heard. I may try the basement which can be relatively quiet. <3
Jean, Thank you for sharing your story about Hector. I'm not surprised! You and Bill had such a strong connection with Hector. In Buddhism, they say the consciousness of the deceased is likely to stay close to where they lived or places they loved after their transition until it's time to move to their new incarnation. I've learned those things, but it's much different to hear a story about it occurring! Thank you! Naturally, his spirit wanted to stay close to you two! I appreciate your sweetly encouraging him to move on with Grandaddy as his guide and protector. You are so caring! It is hard to meditate when there are many distractions around. I hope the basement works well as a meditation spot for you. Much love!
Self nurture is a priority for me at this moment after losing my dad in March after a lengthy demise. Tough to watch.
Kat, I'm glad you're taking care of yourself. Losing your dad that way sounds very challenging. I wouldn't be surprised if you're exhausted. Sending you lots of love.
Reading your story my heart went out to you dharma friend. Honestly mine was the same...seriously it mirrored yours. So much suffering huh? So much identity had to drop here...you know the sick body etc. All the shadow work had to come up to be felt as well. Nothing gets left out. My cat died to...grief in the body came up and there was nothing I could do except allow it and this. The body simply cried and felt sad. So much push and pull on life was seen and its now mostly taken a back seat. What is seen now very clearly in this late stage of awakening is how much control this thinks it has...ugh. It's just life happening. In truth this "I" was never in the front seat driving this story at all but in the trunk the whole time. 😆
Thanks for sharing. Enjoy your meditations.
Gracie, That's a profound realization! Thank you for sharing your story and where it has brought you on your awakening path. I'm inspired that you've been able to move through all the pain and suffering to a place where you see so clearly now. Thank you for your epathy, too. I wish you all the best, always.
Sharing is what this seems to be about even if its for no one...lol..Not sure if you would be interested but the Fetters model from 'Simply the Seen' written by Kevin Schanilec(Buddhist teacher) helped a lot. It's not for everyone though. Also a brilliant book/guide to awakening and probably the best in my humble view is Awake your turn by Dr Angelo Dilluilo. Awakening tools and enquiries without the doctrine. He also has a youtube channel. I was stuck for years in doctrine and practises..the seeking energy was painful. He has helped me and thousands of apparent others have some big insights/shifts for which I am so grateful. He encourages shadow work and feeling the emotion body and doing trauma therapy if it has occured. I want to assure you awakening is possible in this lifetime.
I absolutely adored learning more about your backstory. You've had such an interesting life. That must have been so painful and disorienting to lose your home, marriage, and spiritual footing within such a short span of time. It's awesome that you're devoting yourself more to spiritual practice, coming back home in a way. I'm experiencing a similar full circle experience. On a sidenote, I know what you mean about the bag of bones. Holding my dog Jake after the vet administered the euthanasia drug, and feeling his heavy, lifeless body in my arms was the strangest experience. I thought I'd want an extra moment to say good-bye, but there was nothing to say good-bye to. Our angles will always be in heaven, watching over us. <3
Suzanne, I'm so glad you enjoyed learning more about my backstory. I write about it less on Substack than I have on Medium. Yes, losing so much in a relatively short period was disorienting. We never know what the Universe has in store for us. While it can be challenging to go through dramatic changes, we're constantly pushed towards more growth, which is good in my book despite my resistance. :-) I appreciate how strange it was to hold Jake in your arms and realize he was gone. It is a mind and heart-altering experience. Much love and gratitude to you, Suzanne. I'm thrilled we've reconnected on Susbstack.
Likewise! :)
I think we always go down memory lane when something changes in our lives...it causes us to go inside and see where were at & where we want to go..and it`s good to write it down..best way to get that "stuff " out ... our creativity that opens the door to our deepest feelings
Brenda, Very insightful! Thanks for your understand and support.
wow...Sandra... you`ve done a great deal of soul work....I give you so much credit..you`ve also suffered a fair share of heartache....loosing your house... marriage... teachers ... your cat....all confirming that everything is this Life is transient ... even our own bodies will give up the ghost ( soul ) ....but we`ll be alright.. and will finally get to understand why ....
Brenda, I love your spiritual view of this existence! Thank you for the encouragement.